Toenail Painting, Giggling, Talking About Boys Entry: Charlie’s Angels

There just aren’t enough high-level movies where women respect each other and get along. For Christ’s sake, we comprise HALF the world population, getting along with each other and learning not to compete for some dude’s attention shouldn’t be this hard. For reals.

In 2000, just a few hours past the dawn of the new millennium, American culture stood on a cusp, though it did not know it.

Stuff Blows Up Real Good. And Titties.

The late 90’s saw a wave of postmodern feminism (yes, this is going to be one of THOSE posts) that I look back on with nostalgia. We had Buffy. We had Scully. We had Tank Girl. We had L7 and Poe, Veruca Salt and other snarly girl bands.

We had females DOING things, speaking their minds, making mistakes, trying and failing; granted, it wasn’t perfect, but it was stumbling, staggering, and shuffling towards that equality that feminists of the previous 100 years had dreamed of.

Charlie’s Angels was an exponent of that time, almost more so than the subsequent Kill Bill movies, and here’s why:

Charlie’s Angels, for all the glitter nail polish, high heels, explosions, and bouncing boobs, acknowledged the ridiculousness of the action genre by allowing women to take part in it the same way that men did. Plain and simple, it showed that women could be as witless in movies as their male counterparts.

For example: take any action movie that preceded it, and look at the cliches. The bad guys are terrible shots, go down with one punch, may be blown up but are never hurt in a way that humanizes them (ie broken limbs, etc.), attack one at a time, posture, but are less competent than your average frycook.

The good guys never miss, can do ridiculous stunts, have 12-foot vertical leaps, can punch through concrete, and have encyclopedic knowledge of Earth and all its contents. Most importantly, they never look bad: with one exception (played for laughs) their hair and makeup is always perfect. Just like in the boys’ movies, where the protagonist can be shot at, beaten up, fall out of a helicopter into a volcano, fight their way through a herd of buffalo and look elegantly rumpled, so too the girls of Charlie’s Angels are always sleek and poised. After a couple kung fu go-rounds with the baddies, the most disheveled they get is that ‘just been fucked’ look.

And really–for a tom boy girlified enough to like the accoutrements of beauty and fashion, what better movie is there than Charlie’s Angels? The main characters are capable, intelligent, and violent when necessary. It’s just plain awesome.

Of course, for anyone even marginally aware, the last decade has seen a bizarre return to 1955’s gender roles. Commercials would have you believe that women need men to do math and open the pickle jar, and that men are barely civilized savages who only wear pants and use utensils if women are around to nag them into it. Plain and simple, it’s bullshit.

I know women who are so slovenly in their household affairs you’d consider calling the health department, and men so neat and tidy (gay AND straight) you could perform brain surgery anywhere in their home without fear of contagion. I know women with no social skills, men afraid of snakes, women who lift weights, men who wax, women who hate children, and men who daydream about changing that first diaper. When people begin sentences with ‘Well, girls are naturally. . .’ or ‘Little boys always. . .’ my hackles begin to raise and a host of anecdotal evidence lines up for reference in my mind.

Unless you are speaking about biology, gender doesn’t matter a whole lot to the individual; but it matters to the masses, and this is where enculturation comes in. Think of the boys’ and girls’ toy aisles in the store: teaching males to be ‘boys’ and females to be ‘girls’ begins at a very young age, even before children are mobile. Hell, it practically begins in the womb, with people showering pink and blue gifts on people.

But I digress. I was talking about how much fun Charlie’s Angels is.

Because I like watching movies where women DO things rather than ARE things. The Angels, although directed by the ever-unseen Charlie, are more proactive in the investigation, following threads and formulating theories (however convoluted they might be) to the final showdown with the bad guy.

En Garde!
Very pointy. From the sword, to the eyebrows, to the nose, very pointy.

The other thrill that Charlie’s Angels presented the world was Crispin Glover’s return to mainstream cinema.

I was sitting in the theater, agonizing over why the Creepy Thin Man was so familiar, when my friend leaned over and informed me that it was none other than George McFly, from Back to the Future.

“But that’s impossible,” I thought. “That movie came out like 20 years ago and he looks about 25!”

He was about 35, actually. Which, since I am not too far away from that myself, doesn’t seem that huge a difference. But still. A well-kept 35, to be sure.

Man, I had a crush on him for like 2 years after that.

Anyhoodle, Charlie’s Angels was followed by the slightly less fun Full Throttle, which was only lessened by the enormous expectation set up by the first fun-filled film.

I think the most fun thing about Charlie’s Angels is the simple camaraderie of the 3 lead actresses. No backbiting, no veiled criticisms of each other, no snark; literally just 3 people who get along very well but for a few quirks and function as a well-oiled machine.

LOL See whut I did ther?
VERY well-oiled!

There just aren’t enough high-level movies where women respect each other and get along. For Christ’s sake, we comprise HALF the world population, getting along with each other and learning not to compete for some dude’s attention shouldn’t be this hard. For reals.

 

 

News Blurb!

So I’m sure you’ve heard the news by now: Anne Hathaway will be playing Selina Kyle in ‘The Dark Knight Rises.’

Of course the internet and many armchair critics shit their collective panties over this, but we were also concerned about the casting of Heath Ledger as the Joker, and we all know how that turned out.

Here’s why I am fully prepared to see her appear in the film, and have it be another perfect casting move:

"Bette Davis Eyes. I has Them."

This is the movie she was nominated for an Academy Award for–an arthouse film by Jonathan Demme that sort of slipped through the cracks. Or maybe it didn’t. 2008 is kind of a blur to me.

It’s about a young woman who is given a brief pass from her rehab program in order to attend the wedding of her sister.

I have to be honest; I started watching it, but it was so heart-rending that I stopped about 20 minutes in. I’m going back to finish it some day, but at the time it hit way, way close to home for me.

Anyhoodle, this film and others are more than enough to convince people she has the acting chops to play Selina Kyle.

But Catwoman?

Here’s the thing: when Christian Bale was cast in Batman Begins, he was cast as ‘Bruce Wayne’ and not ‘Bruce Wayne/Batman,’ likewise for everyone else, except The Joker, who had no other name.

I’m not going to guess how they’ll present Catwoman, if they do at all; Nolan doesn’t have the best track record when it comes to strong female characters, and it was discussed on another well-read blog that I’m too tired to find the link to. I don’t know if I’d want to see her as the usual ‘jewel thief’ character she tends to be; they might take a lot of inspiration for her from the ‘Hush’ storyline, so that’s a possibility.

So that’s just my two cents on the Anne Hathaway casting. I haven’t even wrapped my mind around the casting of Tom Hardy and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. However it turns out, it’ll be awesome, I know that much.

I believe in Christopher Nolan*, after all.

 

*See what I did there?

East Meets Western Review: The Warrior’s Way; The Good, The Bad, and the Weird

The conflict is multilayered – there’s the immediate threat posed by The Colonel and his gang of murderous cowboys, the impending threat posed by the Sad Flutes as they pursue Yang, and the more subtle character conflicts of Yang attempting to leave his violent life behind, and Lynne avenging her family’s murder. If you’ve been watching a lot of Asian import movies in the past ten years, you’ll see a lot of familiar territory explored, but against the Western backdrop everything feels like a fresh new take.

Note: Since The Warrior’s Way is currently in theaters, I’ll try to avoid spoilers. I really do recommend this movie though, you can’t ask for a better time!

One reason why you haven't heard of this movie is the way it was marketed. Does this look like a crazy surrealist Western?

Let me just say that already, The Warrior’s Way is fast approaching the list of My Favorite Movies–a list that has many entries, some changing constantly, but which I will always come back to, again and again. I was really surprised by the vitriolic comments directed at it on the IMDB user board, and I’m not really convinced we saw the same movie, or went into it with the same expectations.

Written and Directed by Sngmoo Lee,

Warrior’s Way is the story of Yang, the world’s greatest assassin and member of the Sad Flutes gang. It’s never explicitly stated where he originates from, but given that the movie  involves ninjas, you might surmise it takes place in Japan, despite the fact that Yang is played by Jang Dong Gun, a Korean actor.  When tasked to kill the last member of a rival clan, thus ending a centuries-old war, he finds he can’t–because the target is a baby. Rather than kill the baby (although there is a  a picture of him in the dictionary under the entry for ‘Murder’) he flees. The rest of the Sad Flutes come after him, including their leader, the Saddest Flute, and so he flees to America with the baby.

The movie is a mix of practical sets and green screen, which lends a charming, nostalgic feel to the precedings. After all, this is NOT a historical movie by any means, and you’ll either suspend your disbelief with the first fight scene, or you won’t, which is probably what happened with all those negative comments. I went in expecting to have fun, and I did, as well as nearly crying at the end.

In the US, Yang finds a crummy town of shanties and shacks, half-digested by the desert, and populated by rustics and–weirdly–the members of a now-defunct circus troupe. The head of the whole shebang is 8-ball, an African-American dwarf (Tony Cox, best known from his role as the larcenous Marcus in Bad Santa) who used to be the circus’s ringmaster. Accompanying him are the various freaks and clowns and bearded ladies you’d expect of a circus troupe. Towering over everything are the skeletal remains of a Ferris wheel, silhouetted against the perpetually-sunset hued sky. He also meets Lynne (Kate Bosworth), whose entire family was murdered by local psycho gangleader The Colonel (Danny Houston, at his greasy, frightening best) and who desperately attempts to train herself with knives, despite being really, really inept at it.

As with more traditional Westerns before it, Warrior’s Way depicts Yang as a sort of Man with No Name trope; he comes to the town and begins to make a place for himself and the child, taking over his dead friend’s laundry and teaching Lynne how to be a better knife-thrower. I do have to say, at first when he took over the laundry house I kind of cringed, but it was also an interesting character and story move–here’s a man who has killed hundreds and could rule this town like a tyrant-king, but instead chooses to take up almost the lowest rung on the social ladder of the town. Not because he can’t do anything else, but because he is inflicting a self-punishment by washing other people’s drawers.

Not just a pretty face, he's also socially conscious! With cute anime shirts!

There has been much criticism about the stoic, almost monosyllabic performance by Jang in the film, compared to Geoffrey Rush’s over the top town drunk, or Kate Bosworth’s rootin-tootin performance as Lynne. I think it’s just a problem of perspective — having watched a lot of Asian and specifically Korean movies, I had no trouble connecting with Yang. The man was trained from a young age to be an emotionless murder machine, so as he attempts to cultivate gentleness within himself he also learns how to express himself without, you know, killing people.

Even a slight shift of his brows is for him like writing pages and pages of long slobby poetry about his feelings. Also, it’s not like Clint Eastwood was a fount of emotion in his Westerns–he got angry. He yelled. That’s about it. Unless we’re talking about Paint Your Wagon, which we’re not. Ever.

The conflict is multilayered – there’s the immediate threat posed by The Colonel and his gang of murderous cowboys, the impending threat posed by the Sad Flutes as they pursue Yang, and the more subtle character conflicts of Yang attempting to leave his violent life behind, and Lynne avenging her family’s murder. If you’ve been watching a lot of Asian import movies in the past ten years, you’ll see a lot of familiar territory explored, but against the Western backdrop everything feels like a fresh new take.

I also wanted to say that I was happy Lynne and Yang sort of almost start a relationship–too often in movies the minority mentor winds up a sexless monk, all teachy and supporty without any exploration of more complex feelings that would develop in such a relationship.

So the long and short of it is see the movie, it’s worth it. At the least, it’s definitely worth a rent on a Saturday night, best viewed with friends.

Warrior’s Way is in theaters right now. GO! GO SEE IT!

The New Hope of Westerns: East Meets Westerns

I love them, as I’ve already discussed in a few entries on my blog. There’s nothing like a Man With No Name cleaning up a town through a judicious usage of fists and bullets–especially when the bad guys are rapists or murderers. It’s awesome.

Westerns!

I love them, as I’ve already discussed in a few entries on my blog. There’s nothing like a Man With No Name cleaning up a town through a judicious usage of fists and bullets–especially when the bad guys are rapists or murderers. It’s awesome.

I’ve also already discussed my disappointment with the current spate of mopey, angsty Westerns that the US has produced: Movies like 3:10 to Yuma, The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford, and  No Country for Old Men are all great movies, but the genre seems to be dominated by miserable people. Even the Australians got in on the mope-fest with The Proposition, which was another great movie but which was a little too rapey for me to really enjoy. I’m looking forward to the upcoming Cowboys vs. Aliens movie, but it’s also possible that won’t be intended as a Western at all and won’t explore Western tropes much. Also, Daniel Craig has monkey ears.

Also, I think he's afraid that if he smiles, his career will be over. Which doesn't bode well for Cowboys Vs. Aliens being a fun movie.

Apparently, in the middle of the 20th century, Eastern Europe began making Westerns called Osterns, which usually depicted Native Americans in a more compassionate light as freedom fighters, compared to their role in American Westerns as villains. I haven’t seen any of these, but I’m really curious to.

 

And now, breathing new life into the genre come a group I am going to call East Meets Westerns. Made by or starring Asians, the genre only has a few entries at the moment: The Good, the Bad, and The Weird; Sukiyaki Western Django; and The Warrior’s Way, which only came out this weekend in theaters.

 

I think of them as East Meets Westerns because I like how that sounds; the filmes of Sergio Leone were known as Spaghetti Westerns because they were made with cheap Italian labor in Italy, and that name has always bothered me a little. Of course the Italians call them something else, but it doesn’t seem like these new Westerns yet have a name. It could be because they aren’t intended to be their own genre–after all, it’s not like every movie that gets made in Asia has to be branded as part of a genre. But for the sake of searchability for enthusiasts, say on Netflix or through Amazon, they really should have their own name. God forbid someone searching for a good, fun Western gets suggestions for Westerns where everyone is miserable and dies at the end, when there are fun movies like this getting overlooked because of a semantics issue.

When Hollywood remakes this movie, they will meticulously remove every possibility of joy and no one will be smiling on the poster.

Anyhow, I’ll be reviewing Good, Bad and Weird and Warrior’s Way today, so that’s what we’re working on.

Horror Movie Month! Entry – Ghost Ship

Ghost Ship is a fun time to be had–the scares are a little creaky haunted house, but the effects are good and the story–at least until the gold shows up–is interesting. The way the characters puzzle their way through what they should do is also refreshing, since in most horror movies people just run around screaming and bumping into things. It doesn’t make the movie scary, but it’s fun and at least well-written enough to entertain.

I see this same image when people show me their cruise pictures. It's not them, it's me.

I’ve been pretty honest about how unbiased I can be when reviewing movies–I sing the praises of total shit while I lambast something that fell just short of the mark of greatness (Not GI Joe–that was a mess from the start). I make no apologies, only offer the explanation that if I know what the movie’s going for, I will probably get on board.

HA! I made a pun.

Ghost Ship is a 2002 product of Joel Silver’s ‘Dark Castle’ movie production house, which was formed in order to remake the horror movies of classic schlock horror master William Castle. They started out with 1999’s dumb-but-fun House on Haunted Hill (any movie starring Geoffrey Rush in a role Vincent Price created is an automatic WIN), and then Thirteen Ghosts, starring Tony Shalhoub as a man who inherits a bizarre house which doubles as a machine that can open the gates of hell and is powered by the damned. Or something.  Both movies were way more fun than they should have been–watching both were like that first time you step into the Halloween Store in the autumn, and all the rubber masks, feather boas, monster teeth and polyester suits have been taken out of storage for another year’s worth of cheap scares and wacky fun. Dark Castle has since branched out from horror, producing Ninja Assassin and The Losers, but they still put out horror every now and then. Basically it’s the Hollywood equivalent of that one house on the block that goes totally balls-out for Halloween, who is otherwise normal if not downright boring the rest of the year.

Ghost Ship was put out after the production company had been riding high for a little while, and wanted to do something a little different.

As I’ve previously mentioned, I have a completely irrational fear of the sea, yet am also fascinated by it, especially maritime lore. The Mary Celeste, the Flying Dutchman, shipwrecks, ice ships like the Schooner Jenny and the Octavius, it’s ALL good. I might not be able to stand seawater that goes over my knees, but I LOVE the drama of a shipwreck.

Ghost Ship was right up my alley.

The opening segment is one of the more beautiful and interesting in a horror movie in recent memory- a fancy party with a super, super SUPER hot Italian diva performing is taking place on the deck of a luxury ocean liner. We are introduced to a little girl, alone, who dances with the avuncular captain. There’s a freak accident, the girl is horribly alone,  (I won’t spoil it) and we get the titles.

The story begins with a salvage crew, a well-oiled machine of a team that includes such heavies as Gabriel Byrne, Julianne Margulies, Isaiah Washington and delicious morsel Karl Urban. For a goofy horror movie, that’s a pretty pedigreed cast, right there. They’re approached by mild-mannered pilot Jack Ferryman, who reports that he’s seen a giant hulk in the Bering Straits from his plane and who needs their help with the operation. It could mean a big payoff for the crew, whose life philosophy is  that ‘The only plan is there is no plan.’

But once they actually find the ship, there’s a hitch – it’s the Antonia Graza, an Italian luxury ocean liner that disappeared in 1962, but had been sighted every now and then by captains around the world. Whoever finds it would be rich ever after, and it’s no coincidence that Murphy (played by Byrne) has been fascinated with the ship all his career.

Once on board, the ship is a rusty, sea-soaked ruin. Remnants of her former finery are everywhere, in the carved paneling, the fallen statuary, and peeling gilt flourishes. The whole thing would be familiar to anyone who’s played the Bioshock games, and it wouldn’t surprise me if some of the imagery had inspired that game, if only a little.

But all is not well. The crew find a digital watch, and what appear to be bullet holes in one of the pools. Also evident is the image of a young girl in a blue dress who keeps appearing to Epps (Margulies), the only woman in the group. Nevertheless, they get underway with the salvage operation, planning to patch holes in the hull.

Here she is with makeup, which she does not need.

Epps is one of the better-written female characters present in horror movies. She isn’t exactly Ellen Ripley, but she’s more well-rounded and believable as a competent salvage operator–she’s physically strong, wears no makeup (Margulies is one of those women who really doesn’t need much–I covet her glorious eyebrows) and doesn’t take shit from the comedy duo of Dodge and Munder. She’s Murphy’s right hand, almost like his daughter.

Also refreshing was the fact that the team seem like intelligent people–they go about their business with a brusque competence that indicates their experience, and it’s clear they know what they’re doing. People used to say that the sea is a harsh mistress, and that’s goddamn right: all the tech in the world won’t save you if you don’t know what you’re doing, and boats STILL capsize or go missing all the time.

There's also this lady, an Italian songstres who lures men to their deaths. She TOTALLY gets naked.

Ghost Ship is a fun time to be had–the scares are a little creaky haunted house, but the effects are good and the story–at least until the gold shows up–is interesting. The way the characters puzzle their way through what they should do is also refreshing, since in most horror movies people just run around screaming and bumping into things. It doesn’t make the movie scary, but it’s fun and at least well-written enough to entertain.

Ghost Ship is available on Instant Watch.