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What I Have Learned Post: 5 Movies to Get You Through a Breakup

[NOTE: This is not an angry, bitter post, so if you were worried about being dragged down into despair and being spattered with someone’s bile, don’t! I’ll do my best to be my usual, mildly amusing and daft self!]

Ahhhh, breakups.

The short of it is, they suck. And any helpful article you can google will tell you that things will hurt for a while, you’ll feel all the things, time will pass, and then suddenly you’ll realize you’re all right again. Life will go on, and you will meet someone new. It’s all part of the magical journey of life!

But in that process, one of the steps is kind of huge– momentous even– when you are going through it. Time will pass. It’s an understatement kind of like ‘beer is a popular beverage’ or ‘people sometimes disagree about religious matters.’

During that passage of time, you will need to face certain temptations, such as stalking your ex on Facebook (it’s a bad idea, trust me; just LET THEM GO!), drinking, doing drugs or self-medicating to escape the pain, banging anything that moves in a misguided attempt to reassert yourself or spite your ex, or withdrawing and wallowing in complete misery. These are all parts of the process of grieving a relationship’s end, but it’s important not to lose yourself in your grieving, and to occupy yourself in as many positive ways as you can. And what better distraction exists than watching films?

So without further ado, here is a small list of films ideal for viewing after a breakup! Hopefully they will help you as much as they helped me! NOTE: normally there is no order to my lists, but tonight these are ranked in order from least to best, with best being #1. Enjoy!

5. Silence of the Lambs – I know! Weird and random, right? But hear me out – it’s a classic, its central relationship is platonic, and it encourages the main character to do some deep soul searching in the dark corners of her heart – the kind that often occur after we are crushed by a breakup. It’s a powerful story whose central character, Clarice Starling, appeals to the viewer regardless of gender. At times both breathless and nailbiting, the hours will just fly off the clock!

It's good to see you again, Clarice. Let us continue our complex and somewhat platonic relationship. — It’s good to see you again, Clarice. Let us continue our complex and somewhat platonic relationship.

4. Charlie’s Angels – Either of them. It’s absolute girl-power fluff about friends and fashion and having a good time. If you’re unfamiliar, here‘s a review I wrote a few years ago. Not to be taken with any seriousness whatsoever. Really, it’s just a lot of fun noise, stunts, costumes, and makeup.

Although there is a relationship in this one, it just drives home at the end of the day that friends are more important than significant others.

I could barely tell you what the plot was, but still love this movie

3. To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar – Another unsung classic, this one is about putting others ahead of yourself and your needs, a good thing to remember when you’re sinking into a pit of despair after a breakup. Get out! Do something for someone else! Enjoy your hobbies and live life to the fullest! At the very least, the adventures of Noxxeema, Vida, and Chichi taking a cross country trip and chasing their dreams of entering a beauty pageant might encourage you to chase a dream or two of your own: take that trip you’ve always talked about! Write that novel! Start your own food truck! You’ve got time and energy now, so get out there and do something with it!

And remember... let good thoughts be your sword, and shield! — And remember… let good thoughts be your sword, and shield!

2. The Secret of NIMH – Mrs. Brisby had to deal with some serious shit. A widower, her little fieldmouse’s world was full of dangers, and yet to protect her family she risked life and limb, again and again. Sure, there’s a slight flirtation with Justin, the Captain of the Guard, and he does cheer her on at times, but ultimately she’s the one who gets things done. Note – this classic film bears only a passing resemblance to the book it is based on, so if you’re familiar with the book but not the film, be prepared for some changes. A LOT of changes. Also, there is apparently a remake in the works, and while I am usually optimistic in these cases, this doesn’t really fill me with confidence.

1. Elizabeth – Her Majesty had to learn some lessons about love – the HARD WAY. She starts out the film young, relatively innocent and trusting, and by the end has had to make some hard choices – just like us after a breakup. However, while our decisions might be things like which friends to delete from our Facebook feeds or who gets what dvd sets, her decisions were things like ‘have the conspirators who sought to undermine my authority put to death.’ It certainly put my problems into perspective. True, there is a romantic subplot, but that story is a crucial lesson that Elizabeth learns by the end: that she must put something much bigger than her own happiness at stake. At the very least, this most dramatic and heartrending film will keep you busy for a few hours. Watch it for the wigs, and for Geoffrey Rush as Walsingham, Elizabeth’s spymaster.

So that’s it! Hopefully there’s something on this list to help you. These are some films I watched that cheered me up and helped me remember about the bigger world out there, so if you’re feeling down, hopefully a few hours with a great film will cheer you up. It always does for me, but sometimes making the choice on what to watch would get me bogged down forever.

Good luck, and hang in there!

Some Highlights!

I’ve noticed an uptick in the activity on this blog. Welcome, everyone! I hope we can find you something you like!

I’m posting a list of some of my favorite entries, ones that I enjoyed writing and that help people get a sense of what this blog is really about.

It’s not a fanblog (although I’ve been swooning over Richard Armitage a lot lately – that’s really just a way to distract myself from other things going on in my life).

So here are some posts to help orient you!

1. Candyman: Clive Barker’s Urban Horror Masterpiece

2. The Secret Heroes of A Song of Ice And Fire: Fat Guys

3. ‘There’s No Such Thing as An Honorary Black Person’

4. The Stately Homos of Old England Entry: The Naked Civil Servant

5. New Cult Classics: Tucker and Dale Vs. Evil

6. Flying, Fiery, Feets of Fury: Ong-Bak and Ong-Bak 2

7. Flavoring Your Brainmeats: The Mr. Condom TED Talks

8. The Wayback Machine: Little Shop of Horrors (1986)

9. Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas Entry: Bad Santa

10. (A very old review) : Ink

Thanks for dropping in!

The “White Fang” Interpersonal Dynamics Trope

Approximately 900 years ago, when I was in 7th grade, I noticed a book on my parents’ copious bookshelves: White Fang. I really liked the picture of the wolf on the cover, and was kind of going through a ‘everything wolves is AWESOME’ phase, so I read it.

*BREAKDOWN*

White Fang is the story of a half-wolf sled dog, told in 3rd person, during the Klondike gold rush. He is domesticated by Native Americans, then sold to sledders. The process of breaking him as a sled dog is problematic until his owners realize he’s much better at something else – dogfighting. For a time he’s reigning champion, making his owner money hand over fist and becoming a hateful slaughter-machine. He meets his match one day when he is pitted against a bulldog, that clamps onto his throat and wears him down, nearly killing him in the process. A kind man takes him in and heals him, and brings White Fang home to his family, where he very slowly begins the process of re-habituating him to human company, and he learns to trust again. While he is able to adjust to the slower pace of life at the estate, he never becomes a housepet, not really, but his loyalty and affection for his family are unquestioningly proven when he nearly loses his life defending his family against a dangerous escaped criminal.

His story is the kind of overwrought melodrama that 12-year-old me had been waiting to read my whole life. I realize that it is sad to say now, but this book got me through middle school – I was isolated and weird because I had very little in common with my classmates, and became so used to rejection and teasing that I just sort of accepted it and stopped attempting social interaction. I saw the world as combative, and myself as too weak and feeble to have a place in it. But White Fang didn’t give up, so neither did I.

As Abraham Maslow said, “I suppose it is tempting, if the only tool you have is a hammer, to treat everything as if it were a nail.” Taking on a confrontational worldview can certainly help you survive certain situations, but after you’ve escaped them, you must unlearn that ferocity, and readjust to another kind of life. It’s not easy.

There is a whole story trope that I love, and that I have come to think of as the White Fang trope (it probably already has a name, and if so someone let me know!) If a samurai or a cowboy is taken in by a village and nursed back to health, if a monster makes friends with a child, I well up like a broken fire hydrant.

And so here is a list of characters who, through various ways and means, were able to hang on to themselves in the midst of the maelstrom and make it through the other side, perhaps to gentler shores. This list is in no particular order, and includes books, films, and graphic novels. It does not include spoilers.

1. Sandor Clegane from the Song of Ice and Fire series by George R. R. Martin.

Patricksponaugle already wrote an incredibly detailed and moving breakdown of why the Hound is so compelling, so go here to read it.

I do want to add a thought though – I started rereading the series over the weekend and was struck by two things I had forgotten:

Nobody knows the story of how the Hound’s face was burned until he tells Sansa Stark. She is literally the first person he has ever opened up to about what happened to him as a child. Granted, the way he opened up to her was, like everything else about him, brutal and rough. But hammer, nails, etc. I can’t imagine his communication vocabulary would be very large after the way he grew up. Not excusing him, just trying to understand.
The Hound winning the tourney was the first time a crowd had cheered for him. He threw down on his brother and saved Loras Tyrell, and for the first time in his life, he got to be the hero. It seems to have made an impact.

It seems the Hound is trying to learn something new. Dog, tricks, etc.

2. Stitch/Toothless

Lilo and Stitch and How to Train Your Dragon I’m including as a double entry, since they were the brainchildren of the same man and explore very similar themes: of societal expectations and pressures, of nontraditional families, of the bond that forms between a lonely person and their pet [and it is deliciously ironic that JUST AS I TYPED THAT SENTENCE, my 16-lb cat tried to jump into my lap, missed, hooked his claws into the flesh of my upper thigh and hung there, mewing pitifully].

In both films, two isolated individuals become friends after taking a risk: Lilo and Stitch, and Hiccup and Toothless. There is a moment in How to Train Your Dragon that I WISH I could find in gif form: it’s when Hiccup puts his hand out to touch Toothless on the head, and the dragon leans forward to be petted–but there’s a hesitation first. The animators REALLY outdid themselves with that performance; so much characterization was put into that little gesture and it was perfect.

See that mustache? That was ALL Kilmer. No weaves or glue there!

3. Doc Holliday

Doc Holliday’s portrayal in Tombstone is one of my favorite characters. EVER. The real Doc Holliday was a wonderfully complex man, a professional dentist, gambler, and gunfighter who moved to the west in the hopes the dry climate would be good for his tuberculosis.

When he first appeared onscreen, everything about him screams ‘I AM TROUBLE. EXIT THE VICINITY AND SAVE YOURSELF.’ He’s effete, and while he’s funny and charming as hell, his predilection for starting fights around himself was a major drawback to being his friend. Or even being his tablemate in a poker game. He’s condescending, he’s arrogant, and yet Wyatt Earp always considered him a friend.

Holliday is a strange, strange man, but he was always unquestioningly Wyatt’s friend as well. Which is why the most powerful moment in a film FULL of powerful moments is when Wyatt invites Doc to sit out a fight that could get him killed, basically telling him ‘I don’t expect you to follow me into this mess I’ve made for myself.‘ And Doc just looks at him and responds with, “Well, that is a hell of a thing for you to say to me.”

Beautiful.

Doc Holliday’s only companion, a whore, is with him because of the money he nets her at the poker table. He has no other people who care for him, who would give a toss whether he lives or dies than Wyatt Earp. So of course he would follow Wyatt into the fire if he had to.

4. Smeagol

Personally I always take care to differentiate over who I am talking about: Smeagol or Gollum. It just depends on who’s in the driving seat. Granted, to focus on the positive side of the character is to downplay the terrible power of the other, and ultimately that other side won out. But I’ve always thought that Frodo really got through to Smeagol, and reached something inside him that hadn’t been alive in a very, very long time. Smeagol is widely interpreted by many, as an addict, as a sufferer of various mental illnesses, but all agree that he is trapped by his obsession with The One Ring. Ultimately his selfish and false “love” for this object destroys him, but saves Middle Earth.

Smeagol doesn’t quite fit on the list since this list is about characters who take that leap of trust to another person, but in a strange way he does, since it’s just as important to see what happens when the leap falters.

There are so many other characters I could talk about, but I will end things here. Have you noticed a pattern like this one in films? What kind of films are YOUR favorites?

Didja Miss Me?

Please forgive me my ramble! I have had a rough few months and I just had to make a mark on the internet for the exact moment when I saw the light at the end of the tunnel again!

I hope to get back into the habit of posting film reviews (I have a LOT of them in backlog!) regularly again, and reading other people’s blogs. I do miss catching up with folks!

Whew.

As it does, Life Got Hectic.

Here is a summary of things that happened in the second half of 2014:

May

Laid off from a job I loved. The company wasn’t doing well and still isn’t, and has literally gone from 250 employees in its heyday to about 30. I have made some really awesome friends at that job, and it was like being thrown out of a a family. I am afraid for other friends who are still there.
I find another job and, despite my disbelief, manage to land it. I start at a new company downtown, doing something pretty interesting with some intelligent, pleasant people. I mostly keep to myself.

June

My car begins to act up.
I rent a car and a friend and I head up to Atlanta for my best friend’s baby shower. When we are about to leave and make the drive home, I burst into near-hysterical sobs at the idea of leaving the first place I have been happy in months. My friend warns me that if I am not honest with myself about how I feel at my new job, I will only be more miserable.
I decide I want to go back to school, and get a Professional Writing Certificate, which is only 15 hours of Grad School classes. Since I don’t need a GRE score to apply, I go for it.

July

July 4th weekend doesn’t go well. I’m in a terrible depressive mood and I’m angry about everything. I take it out on my significant other on our way back from a barbeque. I apologize and he forgives me later, but it still bothers me.
My car continues to deteriorate, and my parents offer to loan me money for a down payment on another. Despite my pride, I take them up on it.
I get a used 2013 Fiat 500. I love it, but I didn’t negotiate the best finance price. Still, it’s not too much, and I have a reasonable monthly payment.
Our dryer acts up, and I try to save some money by fixing it myself. I wind up cutting myself horribly on the unfinished aluminum that houses the heating element, and nearly maim myself. I still don’t have insurance at my new job, so I fix myself up the best I can. My left is the worse of my thumbs, and bleeds for twelve hours before it stops. Changing the bandages is awkward and painful, and we wind up paying a guy to fix the dryer in addition to getting me a tetanus shot at the Minute Clinic. The NP at the clinic says I should have gone to the ER for stitches, but as it’s closed up now there’s nothing more she can do. I still have a pretty wicked scar, and it doesn’t quite bend the same.

August

I am accepted to UCF, and am incredibly proud.
I attend orientation and realize I should have already signed up for classes. I scramble to find one that’s both online and open, and wind up signing up for one that is WAY above my level.
A recruiter contacts me for a possible job opening at a company most of my friends work at. I send him my resume, and he says he’ll be in touch.
I make an impulse decision and buy tickets for Nine Inch Nails for myself and my significant other. It’s my first time seeing them live, but I’ve been a fan since 1995.
At the show, I find out Robin Williams has died. We still have a good time, but I am upset. I haven’t written my feelings out about that because it’s still taking a while for everything to settle down. I see a quote later about the whole thing: “Being lonely isn’t the worst thing in the world; the worst thing in the world is being around people who make you feel alone” and I realize I have been unhappy for some time now.
Terrible news: my Aunt has died, very unexpectedly, at the age of 53. Her 21-year-old son found her. She had been there a few days with no air conditioning on, and temperatures in South Georgia were in the high 90s.
The family gets together in Waycross to help my cousin make the arrangements and help him clean out his mother’s apartment. She had been hoarding and hadn’t cleaned for years. My other aunt and I do most of the cleaning so my mother and cousin don’t see the worst of it.

September

The first weekend in September, a week after she passed, we bury her. Because of her condition, it is a closed casket. Despite how upset I am, I am a pallbearer, and I am proud to say I was able to carry my share of the burden. We bury her on September 5th, which happens to be my mother’s birthday. The rest of the weekend is difficult, but the family does its best.
The rest of September is busy, yet a blur. I have things written down on my calendar and I know I was busy, but unless I look it up I have no idea what happened during that month.
As I am doing my coursework, I realize that I am really in over my head in the course, and that my heart isn’t in pursuing the professional writing certificate. I decide I will do my best to finish the semester and then bow out. Realizing this is liberating for me – I am glad I took the course and had the experiences I did, and want to pursue my MA in Creative Writing, but not now.
At work, my lead writes me a heartfelt email about how much he appreciates my efforts on our project. Other people express how much they like me and appreciate my work. I appreciate it, but I still feel hollow.

October

Life moves forward. I do things with friends, and try to get out more. I try to make an effort to work on my novel.
I see some movies with friends, including a special midnight showing of Aliens at our local art/revival theater, the Enzian. It’s a great time and I feel appreciated.
My job has an employee appreciation day at Wonderworks, an Orlando attraction that is part-fun center, part science museum. We do laser tag, and there is a ROPES course on the top floor that is 30 feet high. It dredges up memories of a ROPES course I took in high school over the summer.
I volunteer at Central Florida VegFest, a huge vegetarian/vegan festival. It’s fascinating, and educational, but I am not inspired to give up meat or dairy. Just to eat from more humane sources.
Halloween at work is fun – I go as the Winter Soldier from the recent Captain America movie. I wear it to my friend’s huge yearly Halloween party and it’s a big hit.
I try to get back into working out regularly, since Tough Mudder 2014 is coming up and I don’t want to embarrass myself.

November

My parents come for the TM, and it’s a lot of fun. Some of my former coworkers are there, and we run into each other at various obstacles. I carry someone’s brother during the Wounded Warrior carry, and I’m surprised I’m able to do it. I’m not as sore afterward as I thought I would be, although I get stuck in the mud on the last obstacle.
I take all of us to see Gone With the Wind at the Enzian for a belated birthday event for my Mom, as she is a “Southern Bell” and her actual birthday was a dreary affair because of the funeral. It is a big hit – although it was my first time seeing it and I had Opinions, I keep them to myself (mostly) so as not to spoil our time.
I get contacted by the recruiter again, and I finally interview at the company where all my friends work. I don’t expect anything to come of it deep down, and when I get the offer I am shocked… I’m so surprised I can’t even think how I feel. They want me to start the following week, but I insist on putting in a full two weeks’ notice where I am. I tell my coworkers and bosses first thing in the morning rather than agonize over it all day.
I stay home for Thanksgiving, and make a meal for my significant other and I since he has to work. I am hugely thankful for how well I am doing in life, and spend most of the holiday alone, mentally recharging.

December

Day two of my new job, and I’m happier than I’ve been in months. I’m getting a little pay raise, I work ten minutes from my house, and best of all, I’m working with almost two dozen people from my old job, several of which I count among my close friends.
Just now, I wrote my final paper for my class. I’m thrilled to be done with it, and haven’t felt this free or happy in a long time.
I have Big Plans for Xmas presents, my boyfriend is graduating with his BS, and I feel like I am getting back to a regular workout regimen again. I can finally appreciate how good life is again.

TL;DR:

Please forgive me my ramble! I have had a rough few months and I just had to make a mark on the internet for the exact moment when I saw the light at the end of the tunnel again!

I hope to get back into the habit of posting film reviews (I have a LOT of them in backlog!) regularly again, and reading other people’s blogs. I do miss catching up with folks!

Have a wonderful rest of your day! I hope we can catch up soon!

Real Life News Bulletin

My last day at work will be the 9th. It’s nothing to do with performance, and in fact they would have me back once things get better in the industry, but unfortunately there’s just not enough work right now. I work for a government contractor and we don’t have as much to do as we’d like, so there have been a LOT of cuts. I’m not the only one, either.

Howdy folks!

I have good news and bad news.

The good news is, I’ll be posting more frequently.

The bad news is, I’ll be posting more frequently because I am getting laid off.

*sad trumpet sound*

But I’ve got several years’ experience in this industry behind me, plenty of resumes out floating around, and most importantly, an emergency fund saved up to see me through. And of course, there’s unemployment.

So I am worried, but not really worried. I have to say I’ve been planning for this since January. And while I had a new job and disposable income and such, I never REALLY forgot what being unemployed, broke, and desperate felt like. I don’t think anyone who’s felt it ever really does. So I tried to make sure my boyfriend and I live somewhat frugal lifestyles. I don’t go out for meals TOO much, rarely shop for anything but essentials, and try to save money where I can. I do treat myself once in a while, and even then it tends to be a single item.

So don’t worry for me! I’m fine, there are jobs out there, I’m smart and experienced and very professional. All will be well, and all will be well, and all manner of thing shall be well.

(Although if you have any leads on instructional design or copywriting jobs in the Orlando area, send me an email!)