A Hysterical Man’s Thoughts on Mad Max: Fury Road

I am hurting from not seeing it. HURTING.

So I plan on buying two tickets, both to support the movie, and because the theater owner is closing the theater for my friend’s bday.

Normally I skim Jezebel headlines and don’t read too many articles (as a laid-back social progressive, their inexhaustible supply of outrage tires me) but this one caught my eye. I haven’t seen Mad Max yet but I REALLY want to!

The New Mad Max Film Is So Feminist My Scrotum Killed Itself.

Excerpt:

“Anybody who has seen the original three Mad Max movies knows that women exist for one of four man-created reasons: to be raped so Mel Gibson can get mad, to be sexual partners with a guy trying to kill Mel Gibson, to be murdered so Mel Gibson can get mad, and to force Mel Gibson to fight in the Thunderdome. They have character names like “Nurse,” “Nightrider’s Girl,” “The Captain’s Girl,” and “Victim.” ALL OTHER REASONS ARE A PERSONAL AFFRONT TO ME AND THE SACRED LEGACY OF MAD MAX, WHOSE HAUNTED EMOTIONAL EMPTINESS I RELATE TO ON A VERY DEEP LEVEL DESPITE THE FACT THAT MAD MAX WATCHED HIS FAMILY DIE IN A HOPELESS FUTURE HELLSCAPE AND THE WORST THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO ME WAS THAT SOME GIRLS SAID THEY DIDN’T WANT TO BUMP UGLIES BACK WHEN I WAS A TEEN.”

It’s… *wipes away a tear*… it’s such glorious, glorious parody.

I haven’t seen it yet because a friend forbade me to until his birthday, so a bunch of us are getting together on Thursday night to see it.

I am hurting from not seeing it. HURTING.

So I plan on buying two tickets, both to support the movie, and because the theater owner is closing the theater for my friend’s bday.