Hello and welcome to Game of Thoughts! This is a feature in which I recap the latest episode of everyone’s favorite grimdark fantasy, Game of Thrones. We do things fun around here so for more in-depth coverage of big themes, check out Patrick Sponaugle‘s incredibly witty and fun blog posts. Note: These recaps WILL contain spoilers.
Let’s DO THIS!
NOTE: I am under several deadline rocks at work and my laptop is misbehaving so I’m banging this out super fast at work. Apologies for typos and or leaps in logic, as I had to watch the episode on my phone with my head under a towel – the latter because my house began sucking in all light and making the glare on my phone incredible. It was the Black Hole of East Orlando, but I still got my notes!
- BENJEN STARK HAS REENTERED THE GAME – Dear everyone who ever said he was coming back and I said ‘Ha ha, that’s not happening’ – you were right and I am a jerk. This scene was great, we had a very harrowing escape and Meera was really putting in the work at both yelling at Bran to wake the hell up and dragging that bigass sledge. She made a great effort, but a diet of cave water and moss probably didn’t do her any favors where heavy lifting is concerned, and the wights almost had them – UNTIL. My only gripe – sure Benjen can lift both of them like empty lunch bags, but is his horse also undead? They had to have made a good little run away from those wights who, as Benjen points out, never get tired. Where the hell could they have gone with three people on a horse IN SNOW to get away? Anyway, gripe over. Welcome back Benjen, you’re still hot even if you look like forty miles of bad road.
- Sam’s Hot Take on Trees – Maple? Oh, nice. And willow? Go on you smooth talker, you had me at ‘Let’s go meet my psycho family.’ Gilly is really the emotional core of these scenes, and we need to give that actress a hand. Horn Hill did not look like what I expected, but I guess the showrunners wanted a Greek Temple vibe rather than another thatched long house. Sam’s family are delightful, minus one.
- Tommen And the High Sparrow – Maryrgeryryr (sp?) has apparently drank the Kool-Aid of this wacky cult and I worry for poor little Tommen, who’s basically had an ‘Insert your agenda here’ sticker on his forehead since he was first introduced. Since Maeryagryary (sp?) has shown she has more sides than a bag of D&D dice I never know what to expect from her, so I wonder if she’s up to something.
- Dinner With The In-Laws – Gilly is my hero, and she cleans up SO. GOOD! However, in a show with a lot of terrifying fathers, I feel like we struck gold with Tywin Lannister (hur!) and we’re down to gold paint now. We’ve been getting lesser and lesser terrifying dudes ever since season 4. Randyll Tarly didn’t come across as that frightening and this is a man we’ve been hearing about since Season 1, and I was so over his posturing and bullshit that I was disappointed Sam didn’t stand up and slap the gray out of his hair. Sam has grown too much for some balding goblin to frighten him, so this scene felt like a step back. Except Heartsbane, which I knew Sam would take the MOMENT it was first shown. SAM HAS STOOD UP sort of, and if we don’t get a big ‘Fuck you dad you never came to my baseball games and you chained me up in a dungeon’ moment I will be very disappointed.
- More Westerosi Home Movies – YASSS!!!! I loved all this. Richard E. Grant is bringing it and I love him. I knew Lady Crane was moving Arya, and it was interesting to see the effect of Cersei grieving over Joffrey on her. I didn’t love Arya coming back at the laaaaast minute because I feel like she should have made up her mind WAY before now, but she’s done with the House of Black and White Pancakes and now she’s heading home. I am not thrilled with Jaqen sending the Waif after her, but I also suspect Arya’s final job is to kill the Waif because the Waif is clearly taking way too much pleasure in her job and Jaqen is not a firing boss. A big hand for Essie Davis, who has come in during the third act of a complicated, character-heavy show and still managed to make an impression – nice to see some more strong female characters who aren’t mothers or whores.
- Mace Tyrell Is A Glorious Boob – Jaime waiting politely for him to finish his speech was hilarious. Also, congrats to the show for throwing me because I was SURE Loras Tyrell was going to walk out the Sept’s doors with his brains all freshly washed and ready to do battle with Dead Mountain. Instead we had Tommen, which is WORSE. His Mom is going to be So. Mad. And when Cersei gets mad, terrible things happen to other people.
- And We’re Back In The Riverlands! – I know Walder Frey is one of the great monsters of Westeros but there’s something about him I absolutely adore. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? Is it his refreshingly open hatred of everyone? Is it his gross yet earnest enjoyment of 16-year-old girls? Is it that the field of his fucks has been barren for so long no one can remember a time when it bore crops? I don’t know! All I know is I kind of enjoy his cantankerousness. I started rewatching the show from the first season and his line ‘She’s my little flower, and her honey’s all mine’ made me want to laugh and barf at the same time. Bless that actor, he is a gift.
- All You Had To Do Was Whistle – I was disappointed by the way Drogon came back, which wasn’t at all clear. Where the hell was he? How did Danaerys summon him? Can she control him now? I have questions. I guess they are skipping the Dragonbinder Horn storyline – I won’t miss it, but I’d like to know how she found him. Maybe the point was that she could have called him back at any time but didn’t because she had some shit to figure out. I don’t know, the scene didn’t quite land right for me. We’ll see how this plays out.
As I mentioned I’m rewatching the show from the beginning and seeing a lot of stuff that has me thinking. None of this is original but it’s been so long since I really got into theories that I can’t remember what I’ve already read and what I’ve come up with, so here are some thoughts.
- Tyrion’s Saddle – Say, that would be a good thing to tie on a dragon’s back and thus allow Bran to ride a dragon. I wonder if that moment is coming up? Is Bran going to be more like the air traffic control tower at the airport and route flights?
- Brienne’s Vow to Catlyn – The show is sending both Brienne and Jaime to the Riverlands and setting up for the Riverrun/Edmure Tully storyline it looks like we’re getting the Sheriff Jaime storyline. I am SO excited about – maybe Jaime will finally continue the cahracter development he began in season three and then stopped in season four. I was pissed they sent him to Dorne for whatever that was, but it looks like we’re getting back on track – but what track? The showrunners have been saying for years they aren’t doing the Lady Stoneheart storyline but they are also dirty, dirty liars so who knows?
- The Targaryen World Tour Is Ending – Looks like Danaerys is finally done with fooling around in Essos and is heading to Westeros and THANK GOD because I am so tired of seeing Emilia Clarke in deserts. I hope she gets to walk around in the Reach before winter sets in.