Halloween and the Kitchen Sink Week: The Monster Squad

The Monster Squad is one of those few movies I wouldn’t mind seeing a remake/reboot of. For one thing, all the kids are white, and live in that kind of surreal 80s suburbia where kids wander around unattended all the time and ride their bikes miles away from their house without their parents noticing.

October is Horror Movie month, where we let down our hair and celebrate all things macabre and scary! Not that we don’t during the rest of the year, but still… HORROR MOVIES! People who don’t like horror are encouraged to check back November 1st for less bloody and/or disturbing films. For everyone else, let’s put on our galoshes and WADE INTO THE MIRE!

We’re switching gears yet again with Halloween and the Kitchen Sink Week – this week’s entries all include Halloween or its trappings in some way, AND they will be much shorter in length. There’s not much logic to their selection, so don’t think that I’m intentionally leaving things out – these movies put me in the Halloween spirit for whatever reason. It’s the final countdown to Halloween, so throw some candy in a bag, put on your walking shoes and come trick or treating!

Today, we’re looking at the monstrous mishmash The Monster Squad!

Today’s entry will contain spoilers! 

The Gang's All Here!
The Gang’s All Here!

The Monster Squad, oh, The Monster Squad! It holds a special place in my heart and always shall. It is often compared to The Goonies, with good reason – both came from the 80s, featured an ensemble cast of kids, were about “outsider” kids with uninvolved parents going on an adventure together, have kids befriending a misfit, and Mary Ellen Trainor appears as a clueless Mom in both — but Monster Squad felt especially tailor-made for me because of my love of monsters and old horror movies, even at a young age. And Stan Winston did the effects!

I always liked the interchanges between the kids in this movie because they were more like what I was used to – the kids are snotty and irreverent with each other, calling each other names (one kid’s nickname is literally Fat Kid), and just being jerks. They were, in short, like REAL kids when adults aren’t around.

<3 Best Friends Forever! <3
Best Friends Forever! <3

I always loved Phoebe, Sean’s 5-year-old sister, because she was basically me. She loved monsters and just wanted to play with other kids into the same stuff, and follows her big brother around being a pain, as I did with my cousins. Tom Noonan’s much-lauded portrayal of Frankenstein’s monster as childlike and confused when people are afraid of him is another wonderful facet of the movie. The moment when he’s presented with a Halloween mask of his own face and asks the children if he is scary is so touching.

And yes, Wolfman does indeed got nards. Bless the internet!
And yes, Wolfman does indeed got nards. Bless the internet!

Another delightful layer to the film is its deconstruction of perception, as is exhibited by the squad’s fearful treatment of the aptly named Scary German Guy. They have Abraham Van Helsing’s diary but it’s in German, so they to ask the resident shut-in neighbor to help them translate. He is delighted to do so, sharing pie and sodas with the boys, and is only too eager to tell them about the rules of vampires. The boys mention he knows a lot about monsters, and he agrees, closing the door and revealing a number tattooed on his wrist–he is a Holocaust survivor. (I have this scene to thank for introducing me to the Holocaust– I asked my father what the numbers meant, and he explained. Although at the time I couldn’t conceptualize of such a thing, the idea was at least planted for when I would encounter it later, in middle school). SGG goes on to join the squad and be a hero at the end of the film.

What? No I'm not crying during this scene SHUT UP YOU'RE CRYING
What? No I’m not crying during this scene SHUT UP YOU’RE CRYING

I can’t even tell you how much goofy fun this movie is. Duncan Reghr, who I’ve literally never seen in anything else and whose body functions as a support system for his magnificent cheekbones, plays Dracula so camp he qualifies as his own tent city. He hisses, stalks, arches his brows and wears the full evening-wear-and-medallion-getup, complete with red satin-lined cape.

"Bitch... PLEASE."
“Bitch… PLEASE.”

What really blows my mind is how violent it was for a movie aimed at children. I mean the wolfman BLOWS UP (and his clothes miraculously reassemble when he does) and is spread around in bloody pieces on the ground. Dracula kills like thirty deputies and very obviously murders three women (whose catholic schoolgirl uniforms turn into diaphanous dresses) and turns into a grotesque bat creature with a huge bullet wound at one point. When the Mummy is unraveled all kinds of gross stuff falls out of his torso. Rudy, despite being in junior high, smokes and drinks what looks like a beer *clutches pearls*. The kids all swear – although I do have to point out that the words ‘f*ggot’ and ‘h*mo’ are used.

The Monster Squad is one of those few movies I wouldn’t mind seeing a remake/reboot of. For one thing, all the kids are white, and live in that kind of surreal 80s suburbia where kids wander around unattended all the time and ride their bikes miles away from their house without their parents noticing.

The Monster Squad is a fun movie for this time of year, if not family friendly – if you haven’t seen it you might want to check it out  before showing it to your kids, but as always, I defer to your judgment!

I have so much more I could say about this film but I have to keep things short for this week – tune in Friday when we take at look at bizarre underrated classic Pumpkinhead! 

Halloween and the Kitchen Sink Week: Sleepy Hollow (1999)

In stark contrast to that is the moment when Ichabod meets Katrina Van Tassel at the harvest festival. Great, bulging cornucopias barf the season’s bounty across the tables, fiddlers are dropping fire, and young people are allowed to *gasp* TOUCH EACH OTHER during their blindfold game.

October is Horror Movie month, where we let down our hair and celebrate all things macabre and scary! Not that we don’t during the rest of the year, but still… HORROR MOVIES! People who don’t like horror are encouraged to check back November 1st for less bloody and/or disturbing films. For everyone else, let’s put on our galoshes and WADE INTO THE MIRE!

We’re switching gears yet again with Halloween and the Kitchen Sink Week – this week’s entries all include Halloween or its trappings in some way, AND they will be much shorter in length. There’s not much logic to their selection, so don’t think that I’m intentionally leaving things out – these movies put me in the Halloween spirit for whatever reason. It’s the final countdown to Halloween, so throw some candy in a bag, put on your walking shoes and come trick or treating!

Classic!
Classic!

Sleepy Hollow  is Tim Burton’s homage to the misty, melodramatic films of that classic powerhouse of theatrical frights, Hammer Horror. Hammer films reigned supreme for decades and launched the career of Peter Cushing. Britt Ekland, and a slew of others including the great Christopher Lee, whose ferocious portrayal of Dracula can be credited with associating raw, aggressive sexuality with vampires AND with first showing blood and or fangs, at least in western cinema. Vampires, werewolves, cave girls, ghouls, Frankenstein’s monsters, mummies… I mean just look at the production history!  It’s… I … *heavy breathing, starts sweating*  I need to stop, this is about Sleepy Hollow, after all!

Audiences raised on the Disney version of Sleepy Hollow took one look at the poster and knew they were in for either a real treat or a real trainwreck–especially given the R-rating. Happily, it was mostly the former, and the movie is a glorious mishmash of action, romance, murder mystery, and horror. It also boasts gorgeous production value; the women wear huge, sweeping dresses, the men fine suits and complicated wigs, and the houses look weirdly cozy when the Headsman isn’t battering down the door.

Sleepy Hollow captures the strange duality of Halloween perfectly.

To wit: the movie opens on a harrowing escape in a bouncing, rattling carriage racing through a night-dark cornfield. A thunder of hooves, the hiss of a blade and a beheaded driver later, and the carriage’s occupant is beheaded himself, his blood spraying over the jack-o-lantern topped scarecrow behind him. The contrast is dialed up and the colors dialed down, and the palette calls to mind ukiyo-e prints of blotted ink and charcoal on rice paper.

BOOOO!!! All right this is a little more blue than I'd like but you know what I mean
All right this is a little more blue than I’d like but you know what I mean

In stark contrast to that is the moment when Ichabod meets Katrina Van Tassel at the harvest festival. Great, bulging cornucopias barf the season’s bounty across the tables, fiddlers are dropping fire, and young people are allowed to *gasp* TOUCH EACH OTHER during their blindfold game. The lighting is all warm candle and firelight, there’s frothing ale mugs, and steaming bread.

Not Pictured: Personal Space
Not Pictured: Personal Space

The rest of the movie swings between extremes: sometimes plodding, and sometimes blowing your face off with its blend of practical and CG effects – Burton had great restraint with CG and to my mind there’s only one scene that doesn’t really work with it… the witch scene with the eyeballs has always been a little too cartoony. Great stunts — including some masterful swordwork and horsemanship by Ray Park, best known for playing the face and body of Darth Maul or Toad from X-men– and acting by Christopher Walken turned the Headless Horseman into a wonderfully charismatic villain.

And Christopher Walken! Who doesn't love Christopher Walken in an insane nonspeaking role?
And Christopher Walken! Who doesn’t love Christopher Walken in an insane nonspeaking role?

A pre-Pirates Johnny Depp is decent as condescending Enlighment Champion Ichabod Crane, and Christina Ricci is… well her performance has always been a little overly stiff to me. I’ve never figured out what she was going for. Michael Gambon, Miranda Richardson, Michael Gough, the aforementioned legendary Christopher Lee, and Ian McDarmid (The Emperor!) round out an amazingly talented and amazingly British cast as the rest of the townspeople.

Sleepy Hollow is Tim Burton at his best and probably his happiest… weird and gothy, with moments of dark humor, peculiar characters and fantastic imagery. It’s a great film to get yourself riled up for Halloween if you haven’t seen it, or haven’t seen it already this season. Be aware though – it’s incredibly gory and violent, and not for the faint of heart!

That’s it for today’s entry! Check back later this week for more entries in Halloween and the Kitchen Sink Week – here’s a hint of an upcoming post:

“Wolfman’s got nards!” 

Have a great day!

Still Alive!

My trip to New York was amazing. I got in last night at 1 and didn’t have time to write anything up– but write-ups are definitely coming. They will be posted to Mudder of Dragons and reblogged here.

Also this week’s theme is “Halloween and the Kitchen Sink,” where we take a look at those movies that both celebrate and/or decontruct Halloween. We’ll be looking at some Tim Burton movies like The Nightmare Before Christmas and Sleepy Hollow, and also Stan Winston’s directorial debut, the immortal Pumpkinhead.

So stay tuned and have a great week!

Creepy, Creaky Old Houses Week: Crimson Peak

THEN I knew that Del Toro had in fact been reading my diary because GOD ALMIGHTY– a well-dressed, incredibly dapper gent who turns up out of nowhere, has intelligent input on her writing, and exudes manners and charm?

October is Horror Movie month, where we let down our hair and celebrate all things macabre and scary! Not that we don’t during the rest of the year, but still… HORROR MOVIES! People who don’t like horror are encouraged to check back November 1st for less bloody and/or disturbing films. For everyone else, let’s put on our galoshes and WADE INTO THE MIRE!

Creepy, Creaky Old Houses Week is a gear-switch from Hell Week; in Hell Week we donned our raincoats and galoshes to wade into the Hellraiser movies– bloody, fleshy, hooky, painy, S&My wonders that they are. This week is all about subtle, understated horror, with very little blood, highbrow content, and plenty of atmospherics. So put on your Edwardian nightclothes and some hard-soled shoes– we’re creeping slowly up staircases while clutching unreliable lighting sources this week!

Today’s entry is Crimson Peak, which just opened last week! Since it’s still in theaters today’s entry will contain NO SPOILERS.

The colors! The colors!
The colors! The colors!

If I had to describe Crimson Peak in a single long word without taking a breath, it would be RomancySwoonyBloodySteampunkySexyCostumeyVictorianyHiddlestonsassy. There, you’re all caught up! I leave it up to you if that last one is ‘Hiddleston sassy’ or ‘Hiddlestons assy’ because both are apt.

Ripped from the sweat-stained pages of my secret smut diary!
Ripped from the sweat-stained pages of my secret smut diary!

I was SO. EXCITED. when the trailer came out almost a year ago. Maybe my expectations were overbuilt or something, because although there were many, MANY things I loved about Crimson Peak, I did feel myself a bit let down. I just wasn’t feeling it… I cried big ugly sobs during so many of Guillermo Del Toro’s other films– even Hellboy 2!– but for some reason the emotional center of this film never gelled for me.

Without a doubt, the film:

  • Is composed of a beautifully twisted world of extremes: the sun-drenched golds of Buffalo and the slate-sky’d, wintry moors surrounding Allerdale Hall define the light spectrum of the film
  • Contained some of the most magnificent sets and costumes, especially the aforementioned Allerdale in all its decrepit, strangely sentient glory
  • Is atmospheric almost to a fault
  • Was advertised as brain-melting horror but never quite got inside my head– the ghosts were grotesque, but ultimately quite sad
  • Held fascinating characters, an engaging setup, and plenty of promise
  • Reminded me of Poe’s The Fall of The House of Usher, and I wondered why I haven’t seen that mentioned in reviews.

Edith Cushing is a young, well-to-do lady not content to lay around and spend her father’s hard-earned money; she’s got a dream. She’s a writer, so right away my interest was peaked (HA! yes we are still doing bad puns). Literally stained with ink, she waits, with her heart in her throat, while an editor boredly pages through her work. He dismisses it and tells her that since she’s a woman, she ought to write romances instead of ghost stories. She astutely points out that it’s not a ghost story, but a story with a ghost in it, which all but sets up the film for us. Undaunted by the rejection, Edith resolves to learn to type so that her feminine handwriting won’t give away her gender to the next editor.

"Who's that idjit dancing with Edith?" I LOVE JIM BEAVER SO MUCH EVER SINCE DEADWOOD!!
“Who’s that idjit dancing with Edith?” I LOVE JIM BEAVER SO MUCH EVER SINCE DEADWOOD!!

Her industrialist father Carter, played by Jim Beaver, is supportive of her dream and so she practices her typing at his firm’s typewriter, which is at the front desk of the firm. It is there she meets Sir Thomas Sharpe, baronet whose come to town to drum up financial support in a machine he’s designed. Believe me when I say his intro is magic; with a spring in his step and tophat on his head, he saunters along a ray of sunshine, radiating confidence and integrity. He notices her story and picks it up, fascinated, and THEN I knew that Del Toro had in fact been reading my diary because GOD ALMIGHTY– a well-dressed, incredibly dapper gent who turns up out of nowhere, has intelligent input on her writing, and exudes manners and charm?

I'd faint if I weren't so busy swooning
I’d faint if I weren’t so busy swooning… oh, what the hell. *thump*

Although she’s sort of attached to ultra all-American Dr. Alan McMichaels (Charlie Hunnam) she is quickly swept off her feet by the dashing Sir Sharpe when he literally waltzes her around the room. But Sharpe has a secret that Carter hires Holly (Burn Gorman, who is in EVERYTHING, I say! EVERYTHING!) to ferret out. A murder, a funeral, and a marriage follow, in that order.

Although the characterizations start out strong, they start to fall apart as the movie loses its footing. For example: Edith is from BUFFALO, a town famous for encountering ridiculously harsh winters. And yet later in the film when shit has Gotten Real, she is only too ready to run out into the snow in her bedclothes to escape the house. I found that hard to swallow, and it’s one of the main reasons I don’t get why people are calling her such a great character. The situation wasn’t so dire that she had to escape right away, and she would know full well that such a move would get her frozen faster than if she asked her sister-in-law Lucille for a hug.

My hair caught fire from just looking at this picture
My hair caught fire from just looking at this picture

Another dumb nit I must pick – there is a huge hole in Allerdale Hall’s roof, through which leaves tumble gently in a continual cascade. And yet– there are no trees around the house!

File 404: Foliage Not Found
File 404 Error: Foliage Not Found

I know it’s a stupid thing to focus on in this otherwise beautiful and haunting film, but I can’t help it. I pick because I care!

I won’t tell you Crimson Peak isn’t good – it’s great and it does a lot of things right. For one thing, it turns the gothic romance genre on its head in a lot of ways, even as it celebrates them. Thomas is dashing and mysterious, but he’s also an inventor who’s trying to rebuild his family’s lost fortune, and his endearing sweetness sets him apart from the usual brooding hunks you find in these films. Allerdale Hall is perfectly vast, creeply and creaky, but it’s also falling apart and slowly sinking into the red clay upon which it’s built. A perfectly cast Jessica Chastain appears as Lucille, an aristocratic iceberg who must do most of the housework herself since the Sharpe fortune is long gone.

The critics are raving about it, it’s already got a built-in fandom, and I will definitely add it to my Del Toro collection when it’s out on blu-ray.

Thanks for reading this installment of Creepy Creaky week! Sorry there are only two entries, I have some personal business going on that precludes me from blogging. Next week’s theme will be Halloween And the Kitchen Sink, in which we explore horror movies that threw everything Halloweenish at the viewer, including the kitchen sink!

Have a great week!

Creepy, Creaky Old Houses Week: The Awakening (2011)

Part murder-mystery, part ghost investigation, Florence delves into the house’s history as she sets up ghost-hunting equipment and observation points.

October is Horror Movie month, where we let down our hair and celebrate all things macabre and scary! Not that we don’t during the rest of the year, but still… HORROR MOVIES! People who don’t like horror are encouraged to check back November 1st for less bloody and/or disturbing films. For everyone else, let’s put on our galoshes and WADE INTO THE MIRE!

Creepy, Creaky Old Houses Week is a gear-switch from Hell Week; in Hell Week we donned our raincoats and galoshes to wade into the Hellraiser movies– bloody, fleshy, hooky, painy, S&My wonders that they are. This week is all about subtle, understated horror, with very little blood, highbrow content, and plenty of atmospherics. So put on your Edwardian nightclothes and some hard-soled shoes– we’re creeping slowly up staircases while clutching unreliable lighting sources this week!

Today’s entry will contain SPOILERS.

Today we’re taking a look at The Awakening, a 2011 horror film that must have flitted into and out of theaters right under my nose. I first saw it while scrolling through Netflix, and when I saw the cast included Dominic West (The Wire fans know him as drunken tomcat Jimmy McNulty), Isaac Hempstead-Wright (Bran from Game of Thrones! He’s so little!) and Imelda Staunton, I hit ‘play.’

Mist! Trees! Coats! Cold ankles!
Mist! Trees! Coats! Cold ankles!

If you liked The Sixth Sense, The Others, or El Orfanato, then I have good news for you– The Awakening definitely breathes the same rarefied air as those aforementioned films. It is WONDERFULLY atmospheric, full of strong performances, complex characters, beautiful settings and haunting music. The historical setting was especially immersive, and informed the story in a natural way. Although there were plenty of cliches common to period haunted house movies, the plot held just enough surprises to keep the viewer guessing.

We open on a seance, complete with old blind seer, dead animals, cobwebs, table knocks, and the whole ‘does someone here wish to speak with someone named X?’ The creepy atmosphere stretches into some nice tension but is soon shut down by hoax-hunter Florence Cathcart, who proceeds to reveal all the chicanery and machinery that the fake psychic is using to bilk people out of their money.

Dat setting!
Bilking people out of their money by pretending to put them in touch with dead loved ones? Florence is NOT HAVING IT.

Florence is a Modern Woman in 1921 England, and like most hoax-hunters, is driven to expose psychics because she has lost someone she wishes to see again. Everyone knows how Harry Houdini dedicated his life to exposing such hucksters after his mother  passed away, as the idea of people preying on the grieving infuriated him. Florence is likewise a little too overzealous in her exposure, but she is also revealed to be a woman in pain; not only did her love pass away (she keeps a locket with his picture in it) but she’s an orphan. She’s written a very famous book about her experiences exposing the supernatural and how it has convinced her that such things do not exist.

Dapper! The Waffle House waitresses of B-more wouldn't stand a chance
Dapper! The Waffle House waitresses of B-more wouldn’t stand a chance

Enter Dominic West as Robert Mallory, a teacher from an isolated boys’ school in the countryside. Mallory walks with a cane and a limp, and he doesn’t seem that impressed with her. He’s been sent to ask her to investigate a possible haunting at the school–a little boy died, and the children have been seeing things ever since. It’s a job she blows off until he reveals that most of the children are orphans. She changes her mind and agrees. EDIT: Upon reviewing the film last night I see that he actually strong-arms her into going after reminding her that she herself wrote about terrible it is for a child to grow up in a fearful environment, and that the children in the school are terrified. So their interaction is a little more terse than I made out – apologies! 

Upon arriving, we’re introduced to Maud (Imelda Staunton) who has read Florence’s book and utterly worships her; Tom (Isaac Hempstead-Wright), one of the little boys who lives at the school year-round; Judd, the weirdo groundskeeper, and some other staff and students. Naturally, weird things begin happening, and Florence’s disbelief in the paranormal is sorely tested.

COLD.
Pictured: A Terrible Way to Meet Men

Part murder-mystery, part ghost investigation, Florence delves into the house’s history as she sets up ghost-hunting equipment and observation points. I really liked the background on this, that Florence had designed many of the machines herself. She’s such a fully realized and well-written character, it’s hard to believe she wasn’t based on a real person from history.

The Awakening contains a deeply emotional story at its heart. I found the slow emergence of Florence’s unhappy and traumatic childhood to be gripping and incredibly sad, due to Rebecca Hall’s performance. Hempstead-Wright was compelling as Tom, a resident at the school. He has a great range and his understated looks of puzzled disappointment at Florence as he waits for her to recognize him from her past were spot-on. His character’s backstory was so sad and tragic, it was all but impossible not to feel for him, but Hempstead-Wright doesn’t do schmaltz and Tom is an infinitely like-able little boy. Likewise, West’s performance as a Great War veteran suffering from PTSD was stirring, especially as you realize he and Florence are both people literally and figuratively haunted by their own pasts.

I also really, really appreciated the ending being a happy one. There’s just too many movies about women with mental problems offing themselves these days! Still, there were a lot of the present crop of atmospheric horror cliches – folks haunted by the past and such, strange shapes flitting past in the background. I thought one of the most effective scares was the doll house moment… YOU know the one!

The Awakening is available on Instant Watch.