Actual News Footage from January 2017

Sources have provided me with actual footage from the Trump inauguration ceremony.

sauroninauguration
We should have made the “orange” connection, if nothing else

Sorry. I shouldn’t have gone for the low-hanging comedy fruit but… sigh.

Ah well. Time to sack up and continue my lifelong project of leaving the world in better shape than I found it in, no matter how much of a shitshow the next four years turns out to be. Volunteering, donating stuff, time, and money, and being productive with personal and creative projects ought to help me forget about the impending apocalypse.

Maybe I’ll cheer myself up by donating blood today. I’m sure when the rioting starts there will be a lot of injuries and hence a call for it.

UPDATE: Here is an inspiring link to an article my friend wrote – in these situations, rather than give up hope, you should feel the opposite. You should feel determined to fix as much broken shit as you can. In those little fixes, big repairs happen.

Just like when I had cancer, it’s time to do research. It’s time to gather information and realize that every situation can be met with the right tools. It’s time, in short, to get organized, plan for what’s next, and lay groundwork for the rebellion.

Who’s with me?

Love,
Acha (just call me Mon Mothma for the next four years)

Read it if you’re feeling shitty. Then, when you’re done feeling shitty bit don’t know what to do with yourself, find something positive to do that will fix something, anything. Fix that broken toilet seat, sew that button back on, wash those dishes! Then, find something else. Keep going! Be useful, to yourself and others! Be the kind of American you think doesn’t exist!

It’s in your hands!

“I’m trying to find a word…”

“…to describe this election without being disrespectfullllll…. “*

Howdy!

Hopefully you noticed my lack of posts during October, which is usually my busiest month. The reason, simply put, is that the American election is going on this year and the possibility of my country flying into a chasm of corruption, racism, cronyism, and orange sludge has been massively getting me down.

basejumping
Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha- TAKE ME SWEET EMBRACE OF DEATH

Continue reading ““I’m trying to find a word…””

Shark Week: Jaws 2

What’s amazing is how everyone seems to have forgotten about the time a 25-foot shark killed like five people and ate a few boats off their sunny little resort town’s coast.

October is Horror Movie month, where we let down our hair and celebrate all things macabre and scary! Not that we don’t during the rest of the year, but still… HORROR MOVIES! People who don’t like horror are encouraged to check back November 1st for less bloody and/or disturbing films. For everyone else, let’s put on our galoshes and WADE INTO THE MIRE!

Hello and welcome to Shark Week here at Late to the Theater! This week’s selections are inspired by a dear friend who used to refer to her special lady time as ‘Shark Week.’ We shared many a laugh over that clever nomenclature over the last year or so. Three weeks ago she underwent a hysterectomy and will never again experience a Shark Week, so this week’s entries are dedicated to her! Let’s put on our floaties, paddle out just a little too far, make a ruckus in the water and see what turns up!

The Jaws movies hold a special place in my heart for many reasons, but most of all because they are why I am so goddamned terrified of the ocean. When you’re 5 and wandering through the living room during your parents’ movie night, and you catch a glimpse of a man struggling in the surf with a piece of wood that turns out to have a DEAD BODY attached to it, it leaves an impression.

jaws2_poster
And every single time I went waterskiing, this is all I could think about. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

 

So let’s dive in! There will be spoilers, but let’s face it, it’s not like you don’t know what happens in those movies anyway. Big shark, people eaten, shark dies, roll credits. Continue reading “Shark Week: Jaws 2”

How To Hurricane: A Floridian’s Guide

You do what you can to prepare, and then the choice is sitting up all night having cardiac events every time leaves hit the window, or just go the hell to sleep and deal with everything in the morning.

As I’ve mentioned before, I’m a Florida native with extensive hurricane experience. Chances are, if it was hurricane above a category 3 that hit Florida between the years of 1978 and now, I have some memory of it, however vague. I actually slept through quite a few, since there’s really nothing you can do but ride it out. You do what you can to prepare, and then the choice is sitting up all night having cardiac events every time leaves hit the window, or just go the hell to sleep and deal with everything in the morning. It’s basically a form of Christmas that no one looks forward to, presided over by a big, soppy ball of wind and rain that leaves wreckage instead of presents.

Matthew was the first serious hurricane I’ve dealt with by myself. It was pretty daunting, considering I know exactly what hurricanes are capable of. Some hurricanes can cause tornados – 2004’s Charley, if I remember correctly, had something like 70 tornadoes, total. Some of them left literal trails of destruction, marked by giant billboards twisted around like pretzels or cars flipped onto their roofs. I’ve already talked about some of the stuff I saw in Miami after Andrew, and what my father saw after Hugo. And of course, there was the most well-known hurricane of all in recent memory: Katrina.

As a child I have a memory of going outside after a hurricane and finding our holly tree- an old tree with a trunk about 4 feet across- snapped off at the base. Just broken, the white heartwood gleaming in the sun.

So I took the news seriously and prepared.

Continue reading “How To Hurricane: A Floridian’s Guide”

I’m Back! A Personal Entry

Things are well, and couldn’t be better, but even though everything is going great I still have my bad days, where I am doubtful of myself, and of others. But trust is a thing that takes a long time to build, and like anything else you build, it must be maintained, and practiced. The more you do it, the easier it becomes.

It’s been over a year since I posted anything here, but I’m back now!

Basically I just got kind of busy living life. I also don’t have a computer to use at home, mine broke down and I still haven’t replaced it. I decided I wanted to live OFF the internet as much as possible, and sort of figure out what I wanted to use it for, rather than just fall into it again.

I’d also like to tell you about where I’ve been, and where I hope I am going!

Here I am in December of 2009, when I got to meet Neil Gaiman! I was about 35 lbs overweight, and still had my dreadlocks. I am pretty sure by this time I had lost my job again, having been laid off from a temp job I’d gotten.

me_Neil_Kris_2009
I have sworn that I will meet him again, and ask him if he remembers the sobbing girl who told him she was so excited to meet him she might throw up on him

I was so excited I cried on his shoulder. He’s one of my IDOLS.     I’ve read his books since about 1999, and his writing has gotten  me through some rough times in my life.

So the next year I was unemployed. I got interested in Bonsai, but didn’t have any money for it. I learned how to make do. I still did things, I had a few interviews, and even went on a trip to Atlanta with my best friend’s mother to help plan my best friend’s wedding. Something happened on that trip– I started to realize my self-worth again. I had become angry, and bitter, and miserable, but my best friend treated me with the same cheerful acceptance she always had. She, her mother, and her in-laws and friends all did the same, and I started to remember what being happy was like.

But there are still VERY few pictures of me between 2006 and 2011. I just couldn’t stand to see what I’d become– physically and spiritually.

In August of 2010, I got a callback for an interview. The job would have been amazing– 40 an hour, on a contract. I made a decision: I sat down, and with my then-boyfriend’s help and a huge tub of conditioner, combed out my dreadlocks.

me_with_dreads
These dreads were made with the crochet and handroll method, and I washed them once a week. They had completely locked up without any products at all!

It took 40 hours. It was one of those things that just NEEDED to be done. I had enjoyed having weird hair, it got me a lot of attention, but I was ready to move on. I cut off the dead ends, got a pro haircut for the first time in almost 4 years, and nailed the interview. They wanted me to start immediately.

I didn’t get the job that I’d gone to all that trouble for, but I got an even better one, for a government contractor that a friend set me up with. I started working there in October of 2010, and I am happy and proud to say that I am still here! I paid off my car, paid down some of my consumer debt I incurred from being unemployed, and started trying to do more positive things with my time. I also cut way back on my internet usage, because I was distracting myself a great deal.

In March of 2011, I was diagnosed as pre-diabetic. My fasting blood sugar was 143, my cholesterol was 195, and I was miserable most of the time. I was also drunk most of the time, too, with a highly cynical view of the world. Being diagnosed as something, even as pre-something, was a pretty big shakeup.

Only three tummy rubs, then death
Herzog demonstrates what I was doing most of the time

 

So I cut back. On EVERYTHING.

I cut back on drinking. I stopped eating carbs, almost completely. I got into the whole Paleo-Primal Blueprint thing, and I started following a more structured workout program.  I challenged myself almost daily, in every aspect of my life. I chatted pleasantly with strangers, I walked places I had previously driven, I practiced looking people in the eye when I talked to them.

I didn’t realize the weight was coming off until I saw how much bigger my clothes were on me, and when my friends told me I was losing weight. I lost about 30 pounds, my cholesterol went down 30 points, my blood pressure too, and I am managing my blood sugar without needing any medication.

I even self-published a novel!  It’s called The Secret Wilderness, and I had been working on it while I was unemployed. It’s pretty dark though, at least to me. I wrote it while I was in a very bad headspace, and self-published it in a whirlwind of activity so it’s not the best thing I’ve written. But you have to write the bad books out of yourself before you can get to the good ones, and so I am still writing, and still trying. For the rest of my life, I will tell stories. It’s up to other people if they would like to hear them or not.  The Secret Wilderness on Amazon has the first six pages available, if you’d like to check it out!

In May of 2011 I realized that I had been unhappy for a long time, and that getting to know myself was going to be hard. I was reevaluating where I had been, what I wanted, and where I was going in life. I ended a ten-year relationship because I desperately needed to find out who I was, and I couldn’t do that while I was with someone. It was very hard, and certainly hurt someone very deeply, but I wanted everyone to be happy, and that included me.

October 2011
I took this in October of 2011, it’s the first photo of me with contacts!

I lived in my little apartment with my cat, Herzog, for a few months. I was a bridesmaid in a wedding for the first time, I went out with friends when I could, I worked out and swam and read and watched movies and just lived life. It was very quiet, but definitely what I needed. I reconnected with old friends and family, and all of them said that not only did I look different, but that I had a new light in my face and happiness in my voice that they hadn’t heard in years.

In October of 2011, I got myself contact lenses for my birthday. I had never worn them before. I still wear them almost every day, only wearing glasses when I feel lazy or on weekends. Or when I want to watch a sad movie and might need to cry!

That same night, one of my oldest and dearest friends threw me a birthday party. She had invited many of my new friends from work, and one of those friends brought a friend along who lived in Miami, but was intending to move to Orlando. And that was how I met Jonathan.

 

 

Jon at Flagler Museum, St. Augustine
Taken at Flagler Museum during our 2012 St. Augustine trip. You can barely see Samantha, his husky, down there on the right. She found the fountain water delicious!

Jonathan worked in a hospital when I met him. We have been dating since November of 2011, and I am thankful every single day that he is in my life. He’s a wonderful, kind, and considerate person, and anyone would be lucky to have him in their life.

Jon moved in with me in October of 2012, applied and was accepted to UCF, and looked for a job. He found one, and started working at another hospital earlier this week.

Things are well, and couldn’t be better, but even though everything is going great I still have my bad days, where I am doubtful of myself, and of others. But trust is a thing that takes a long time to build, and like anything else you build, it must be maintained, and practiced. The more you do it, the easier it becomes.

For a long time, I had a complex about happiness, and smiling. I thought if you weren’t happy, and pretended that you were, you were lying to yourself and others and hiding from the truth. But I’ve found that sometimes, even when you don’t feel like smiling, the act of DOING IT, and of telling people ‘No, I’m okay,’ sometimes helps you feel better. I was mostly expressing negativity when I did express my feelings, because I felt bitter and cynical all the time. I didn’t realize how GREAT I had things until I was able to get some peace and quiet and find myself again. I took a lot of things for granted, I realize. Now I appreciate life and my friends, and when I encounter a negative situation I challenge myself to see the good in it. Doing so has become second-nature, so much so that people often comment on how positive I am these days, and how I can see the good in anything.

So! This post will serve as a milestone in the new path I’ve already started! I’ll still do film reviews and such here, but I’m thinking about starting a whole new blog that is more about me and daily life. And quite honestly, I have begun reading some new, positive blogs about things that I’ll be linking to and hope to meet some new people that way.

And so this post is the first post in the rest of my life, heh!

Thank you for reading, I hope you’ll stick around for more!