Last Friday, work had a sausage party.
It was awesome.
Basically my office of about 120 people did a giant potluck. We brought sausages, beer, potato salad, sausages, beer, chips, sausages, beer, salad, sausages, beer, condiments, sausages, and beer. At 3:30, we all knocked off to go hang out. Some people set up grills outside, we all chatted and drank, and it was pretty awesome. Most of my coworkers are people I hang out with outside of work, so it’s nice to be able to do that.
However, for about a week, I have been battling an entirely different kind of sausage party.
Allow me to explain. Some of you will read the first half of the next sentence and go ‘Ah-HA’ because you have experienced this yourself. It was sort of my first time.
I decided to try joining a dating website last week…
… it wasn’t awesome.
I went on a geek-oriented one and created a profile. I was feeling pretty okay for the first 23 hours and 58 minutes, and thought ‘Ah, no hits. Well that’s all right maybe it just takes a while.” At 24 hours, I got a notification that my profile was live.
Which was when the messages started.
I spend most of my time alone, not talking to people, and suddenly people were approaching me most aggressively. I can handle catcalling, and have even faced off with inappropriate touchers at the gym, but this was too much. I had a panic attack and closed the account.
The next day I was telling a friend about my experience, and he basically laughed at me and dared me to try again. So I thought – I can handle this! I have run through fire! I have survived suicidal depression! I’ve walked away from five car accidents, and many other defiances of death. I have faced down angry drunks and fallen out of trees. I can totally do this!
I found a different site (not disclosing names just because other people might try them and actually have luck!) and tried again.
My inbox became infested with dudes. Dudes demanding attention, demanding emotional validation, demanding responses. Being a polite kind of person, I tried to respond to as many as I could, even to say ‘We have nothing in common, but thank you!’ which was apparently seen as an invitation to ramble at length about how I should give someone a chance.
I lasted about 5 days before executing a scorched Earth policy and deleting my account. Waking up today to not find dozens of messages in my inbox was bliss. Especially not dozens of messages from people whose usernames included the suffix ‘-backdoorman’. I am relieved to say that I received no dick pics, had a few interesting conversations, and made a very few new friends, but otherwise am done. Several friends I have reported the same findings, of either no attention or way, waaaay too much. Nay, the dumpster fire of the great Social Media Dating Experiment of 2016 is done. I consider it a valuable learning experience!
So now that that distraction is over, I intend to be more disciplined about writing and posting. Also, with Horror Movie Month coming up, I have to start thinking about what I’m going to watch! Plenty of stuff is on Instant Watch, and the Enzian’s got some great selections this year that I’m really looking forward to.
Thanks for sticking around! I really appreciate my readers – without you, I’m just a madwoman chattering to herself in the corner, after all!
EDIT: My friend linked to a very interesting story about a dude who created a female profile on OKCupid, just to see what it was like. His experience basically mirrored mine. Please only read if your faith in humanity is reasonably strong.
Have you ever tried an online dating website? How did it go?