A friend of mine lifts heavy. He is also a brilliant artist, rapier wit, and all around awesome human being. He showed me a Craigslist ad he wrote for a truck tire he’s selling, and it provided me with a much-needed laugh.
Here’s a GIANT TIRE for all your tire flipping macho needs. If you can flip it, you’re significantly more macho than I am. I’ll use this smaller one and just suffer through the taunts and jeers of neighborhood schoolchildren – unlike you, He-man Thunderthighs.
If you can fit your lower torso into a vehicle to come to my house, you can easily throw this immovable object into your man-hauler. I will not help, as I thought of moving it across the yard earlier to retrieve my purse and ended up getting a hernia and my beard fell off.
For the low-low cost of $30 I’ll cower in fear and point at the tire in my backyard and you can drag it to your truck, or just farmer’s walk it back to your cave. For $35, I’ll wipe my tears off of it first.
Seriously, though. For $30, it’s a steal and you know it. I think it’s roughly 500lb, but I can’t be sure. I can arguably and unprovably deadlift 400 and that thing about made my eyes fall out. Bring a truck and help. If I have to help, I’ll need you to pay me a couple grand to cover blowing my intestines out my belly button.
Call or text show contact info If you call, I won’t pick up and will screen voicemails. I’m avoiding the local schoolkids jeering at me for about dying when I purchased this monster and dropped it and my broken dignity in the backyard. If you’re reading this, it’s still available – and I’m still soaking my ego in epsom salts. Help me. …in the picture, the tire has plastic on it to prevent small animals from mocking me further by setting up a home in it’s sturdy and immovable interior.
Here is a link to his website, for some of his AMAZING artwork! Enjoy!
I don’t think I’ll be doing a Game of Thoughts this week – I spend a lot of time scrolling through my Facebook feed and wondering what the hell people are thinking when they post insane shit about Pulse. I’d rather just post two episodes next Monday. Day by day, we get a little bit back to normal, whatever that normal was. I will quote Catlyn Stark though – “Laughter is poison to fear.”
Thank you for keeping Orlando in your thoughts. I hope this gave you a laugh, too!