Herzog – Late to the Theater

Herzog and Life Status Update

The New Normal in the house involves much less dry food, available throughout the day, a bigger water fountain, and a serving of wet food at both 7:30 AM and PM. At the same time as the wet food, I also administer an insulin shot.

Greetings, friend!

I was musing on all the things I’m dealing with at the moment, and realized it’s a lot. Rather than try to fit all this shit into a tweet or a tweet-thread, I decided to indulge myself and fill the vasty white fields of a blog post with swarms of words. I have an awesome mechanical keyboard, let’s bang on this thing.

(CW: Pet health, needles, harsh language)

Feel free to skim the Herzog paragraphs- there is a bullet list at the bottom detailing the other mountains in my range of Recent Anxieties.

(Author’s Note: Once I was done with this emotional barf party, I dithered on whether or not to even post it since it’s a few thousand words of just BLAAAAAAHHHHGGGGHHHHH. But I decided to go ahead and post it – let things that need be said, be said. At another point in the future, I will do a post about all the things I am looking forward to, in order to voice to the positive as well as the negative.)

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A Few Words on Herzog

In honor of National Pets day, which was Tuesday, today’s post is about Herzog – Herzog the cat, not Herzog the German director known for probing the existential depths of the human soul. Although Werner Herzog is tops, too. After all, my cat is named after him.

This is Herzog.

Vital Statistics

Neutered male tabby, 15 lbs, about 40 inches long, age 8.
Long enough to stand on his back legs and pull things off table tops or the kitchen counter edge.
Very good health.
+5 Lung capacity for extended caterwauling sessions at 4 AM/PM.
+10 strength – can pull me while wearing his harness if I am on wheels.
Does tricks – Sit, Lie Down, Roll Over, and Up. Recognizes ‘Bedtime’ means it is time to go to bed, ‘Blender’ presages a loud sound such as a blender, garbage disposal or vacuum, and ‘Hop Up’ warns that I am about to get up and he must vacate my lap.
Will not perform ‘Speak’ on command; never shuts up otherwise.
Alternate names: Bubs, Bubbins, Mr. Mittens, Mr. Muffins, Mr. Meowsers, Fiddles, Cuddles, Cuddle-Bear, Snuggle-Bear, other nauseatingly cute things.

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Werner Herzog Narrating Pokemon Go

I have nothing to say. No one does. All human attempts at creation can now end because some magical person has set some of Werner Herzog’s narration to Pokemon Go.

I have nothing to say. I never may again. All my attempts at creation can now end because some magical person has set some of Werner Herzog’s narration to Pokemon Go.

Experience the magic.

Highlights:

“Is there such thing as insanity among penguins?”
“I wouldn’t see anything erotical here, I see asphysxiation and choking…”
“Of course there’s a lot of misery, but it’s the same misery that’s all around us. The trees are in misery, the birds are in misery.”
“The enormity of their flat brain, the enormity of their stupidity is overwhelming.”

I don’t play Pokemon Go, but my cat is named Herzog, because Werner Herzog is my favorite person who has stared into the abyss and survived.

THE STARS HAVE ALIGNED!

I’ll sit back and let those first few notes of the theme carry me away, and experience the magic all over again. Then I’ll get home, pack, wrap Xmas presents, throw Herzog in the car in his carrier and head north for ninety minutes.

It’s been a rough few weeks. I got to see Star Wars, and have been struggling financially otherwise – basically I live paycheck to paycheck. I’m not complaining – in fact I am INCREDIBLY fortunate that I just have myself and Herzog to look after, and that I’m able to live as well as I do. Many people don’t! Many people have kids to look after, family obligations to take care of, and of course, keep food on the table and the light and heat on and manage to do so by the skin of their teeth, or by working two jobs. I have friends who are on food stamps despite working full time jobs, just so they can eat. My financial troubles were ALL My own making and I am slowly fixing that, but there are a lot of things I do without.

So when I realized I was getting paid a day early, I was over the moon! AND I am getting released several hours’ early from work. This means that I am seeing Star Wars again, in my favorite theater, before I head out of town to visit my family for the holidays. It’s a little dinner theater that serves beer and wings and salads and burgers, and there are hand-painted murals on the walls of Silver Screen legends like Chaplin and Mae West. It’s a wee little theater and I’ve spent some of the happiest hours of the last year there – in fact, I was there LAST Christmas Eve watching The Hobbit: Battle of The Five Armies.

This is the gift I’m giving myself this year, and I’m super, SUPER thankful that I can do it. I’ll sit back and let those first few notes of the theme carry me away, and experience the magic all over again. Then I’ll get home, pack, wrap Xmas presents, throw Herzog in the car in his carrier and head north for ninety minutes.

So once again, from me to all of you, wherever you are and whatever you celebrate, please have a holiday season of warmth, light and joy!

Five Rando Christmas Movies

So I think we all need a break. We need warmth, joy, family and friends, and to remember the important stuff – and I don’t mean all the shit we just put ourselves into debt to buy. I mean the REALLY important stuff.

It’s been a hell of a year, folks.

This year’s news was a constant parade of nightmares and horror, and it was easy to get lost in the torrent of sorrow. The plight of Syrian refugees; Paris, the City of Lights darkened by terrorism, and then rising from the ashes in glorious solidarity; the destruction of world Heritage sites by madmen; natural disasters; mass shootings; and of course, the inevitable callousness that comes with being inundated with such tidings. I’ll never forget the moment I said the words ‘Wait, which mass shooting from this year are you talking about?’ because there had been too many to keep track of.

So I think we all need a break. We need warmth, joy, family and friends, and to remember the important stuff – and I don’t mean all the shit we just put ourselves into debt to buy. I mean the REALLY important stuff. And so today’s entry includes five movies that celebrate that aforementioned REALLY important stuff. I am sorry they’re all just for Christmas – I wish I knew of some Jewish and Muslim holiday movies to discuss! Maybe next year I’ll have found some.

These are all movies my family gets together to watch. My Dad and I get drunk and bray like donkeys at the screen, and my Mom disapproves but laughs along with us.

Have a read and enjoy!

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