No Words…

I am seeing The Force Awakens tonight and today I am this kitten trying to keep it together and failing.

I have no review today.

I am seeing The Force Awakens tonight and today I am this kitten trying to keep it together and failing.

excitedkitten

SHIT.

LOST.

I am a huge Star Wars movie nerd. I don’t know that much about the extended universe of the novels and video games and shows but I grew up with the movies, playing with the toys (many of which came from the flea market), and insisting that Han Shot First.

How do you feel about Star Wars? What are some of your favorite moments?

The Unaltered Star Wars Trilogy!

Did you grow up Back in the Day® watching the original Star Wars trilogy? Do you miss the weird orange smear under Luke’s desert speeder on Tatooine?

Pssst… hey!

Hey you! 

Did you grow up Back in the Day® watching the original Star Wars trilogy? Do you miss the weird orange smear under Luke’s desert speeder on Tatooine?

The original Ewok song?

Did you miss….

…HAN SHOOTING FIRST?

Word on the street is this article tells you how to watch the original, in all its handmade, DIY glory.

How to Watch the Original Star Wars Trilogy. 

DON’T tell them I sent you. Forget we talked, yeah?

Yeah.

*Flicks away pretend cigarette, shuffles off down a dark alley*

Movie Props!

I’m going to assume you are familiar with these films and the objects, and not explain the films so much as why I am willing to spend an hour with a needle in my arm to own them. Here we go!

Recently I was contacted by Ryan Stills of Invaluable.com, an auction site for anything from estate lots to fine art to fine wines. I poked about on the site and found some really neat stuff, I must say. They even have antique furniture! REAL antique furniture, from 17th-century England! POSH!

The company does auctions on movie props, and he asked me what props I might like to own to help get an idea what kinds of things movie fans might be interested in owning. The question really got me thinking. I don’t collect much stuff anymore, for the following reasons:

Continue reading “Movie Props!”

Halloween and the Kitchen Sink Week: The Monster Squad

The Monster Squad is one of those few movies I wouldn’t mind seeing a remake/reboot of. For one thing, all the kids are white, and live in that kind of surreal 80s suburbia where kids wander around unattended all the time and ride their bikes miles away from their house without their parents noticing.

October is Horror Movie month, where we let down our hair and celebrate all things macabre and scary! Not that we don’t during the rest of the year, but still… HORROR MOVIES! People who don’t like horror are encouraged to check back November 1st for less bloody and/or disturbing films. For everyone else, let’s put on our galoshes and WADE INTO THE MIRE!

We’re switching gears yet again with Halloween and the Kitchen Sink Week – this week’s entries all include Halloween or its trappings in some way, AND they will be much shorter in length. There’s not much logic to their selection, so don’t think that I’m intentionally leaving things out – these movies put me in the Halloween spirit for whatever reason. It’s the final countdown to Halloween, so throw some candy in a bag, put on your walking shoes and come trick or treating!

Today, we’re looking at the monstrous mishmash The Monster Squad!

Today’s entry will contain spoilers! 

The Gang's All Here!
The Gang’s All Here!

The Monster Squad, oh, The Monster Squad! It holds a special place in my heart and always shall. It is often compared to The Goonies, with good reason – both came from the 80s, featured an ensemble cast of kids, were about “outsider” kids with uninvolved parents going on an adventure together, have kids befriending a misfit, and Mary Ellen Trainor appears as a clueless Mom in both — but Monster Squad felt especially tailor-made for me because of my love of monsters and old horror movies, even at a young age. And Stan Winston did the effects!

I always liked the interchanges between the kids in this movie because they were more like what I was used to – the kids are snotty and irreverent with each other, calling each other names (one kid’s nickname is literally Fat Kid), and just being jerks. They were, in short, like REAL kids when adults aren’t around.

<3 Best Friends Forever! <3
Best Friends Forever! <3

I always loved Phoebe, Sean’s 5-year-old sister, because she was basically me. She loved monsters and just wanted to play with other kids into the same stuff, and follows her big brother around being a pain, as I did with my cousins. Tom Noonan’s much-lauded portrayal of Frankenstein’s monster as childlike and confused when people are afraid of him is another wonderful facet of the movie. The moment when he’s presented with a Halloween mask of his own face and asks the children if he is scary is so touching.

And yes, Wolfman does indeed got nards. Bless the internet!
And yes, Wolfman does indeed got nards. Bless the internet!

Another delightful layer to the film is its deconstruction of perception, as is exhibited by the squad’s fearful treatment of the aptly named Scary German Guy. They have Abraham Van Helsing’s diary but it’s in German, so they to ask the resident shut-in neighbor to help them translate. He is delighted to do so, sharing pie and sodas with the boys, and is only too eager to tell them about the rules of vampires. The boys mention he knows a lot about monsters, and he agrees, closing the door and revealing a number tattooed on his wrist–he is a Holocaust survivor. (I have this scene to thank for introducing me to the Holocaust– I asked my father what the numbers meant, and he explained. Although at the time I couldn’t conceptualize of such a thing, the idea was at least planted for when I would encounter it later, in middle school). SGG goes on to join the squad and be a hero at the end of the film.

What? No I'm not crying during this scene SHUT UP YOU'RE CRYING
What? No I’m not crying during this scene SHUT UP YOU’RE CRYING

I can’t even tell you how much goofy fun this movie is. Duncan Reghr, who I’ve literally never seen in anything else and whose body functions as a support system for his magnificent cheekbones, plays Dracula so camp he qualifies as his own tent city. He hisses, stalks, arches his brows and wears the full evening-wear-and-medallion-getup, complete with red satin-lined cape.

"Bitch... PLEASE."
“Bitch… PLEASE.”

What really blows my mind is how violent it was for a movie aimed at children. I mean the wolfman BLOWS UP (and his clothes miraculously reassemble when he does) and is spread around in bloody pieces on the ground. Dracula kills like thirty deputies and very obviously murders three women (whose catholic schoolgirl uniforms turn into diaphanous dresses) and turns into a grotesque bat creature with a huge bullet wound at one point. When the Mummy is unraveled all kinds of gross stuff falls out of his torso. Rudy, despite being in junior high, smokes and drinks what looks like a beer *clutches pearls*. The kids all swear – although I do have to point out that the words ‘f*ggot’ and ‘h*mo’ are used.

The Monster Squad is one of those few movies I wouldn’t mind seeing a remake/reboot of. For one thing, all the kids are white, and live in that kind of surreal 80s suburbia where kids wander around unattended all the time and ride their bikes miles away from their house without their parents noticing.

The Monster Squad is a fun movie for this time of year, if not family friendly – if you haven’t seen it you might want to check it out  before showing it to your kids, but as always, I defer to your judgment!

I have so much more I could say about this film but I have to keep things short for this week – tune in Friday when we take at look at bizarre underrated classic Pumpkinhead! 

Halloween and the Kitchen Sink Week: Sleepy Hollow (1999)

In stark contrast to that is the moment when Ichabod meets Katrina Van Tassel at the harvest festival. Great, bulging cornucopias barf the season’s bounty across the tables, fiddlers are dropping fire, and young people are allowed to *gasp* TOUCH EACH OTHER during their blindfold game.

October is Horror Movie month, where we let down our hair and celebrate all things macabre and scary! Not that we don’t during the rest of the year, but still… HORROR MOVIES! People who don’t like horror are encouraged to check back November 1st for less bloody and/or disturbing films. For everyone else, let’s put on our galoshes and WADE INTO THE MIRE!

We’re switching gears yet again with Halloween and the Kitchen Sink Week – this week’s entries all include Halloween or its trappings in some way, AND they will be much shorter in length. There’s not much logic to their selection, so don’t think that I’m intentionally leaving things out – these movies put me in the Halloween spirit for whatever reason. It’s the final countdown to Halloween, so throw some candy in a bag, put on your walking shoes and come trick or treating!

Classic!
Classic!

Sleepy Hollow  is Tim Burton’s homage to the misty, melodramatic films of that classic powerhouse of theatrical frights, Hammer Horror. Hammer films reigned supreme for decades and launched the career of Peter Cushing. Britt Ekland, and a slew of others including the great Christopher Lee, whose ferocious portrayal of Dracula can be credited with associating raw, aggressive sexuality with vampires AND with first showing blood and or fangs, at least in western cinema. Vampires, werewolves, cave girls, ghouls, Frankenstein’s monsters, mummies… I mean just look at the production history!  It’s… I … *heavy breathing, starts sweating*  I need to stop, this is about Sleepy Hollow, after all!

Audiences raised on the Disney version of Sleepy Hollow took one look at the poster and knew they were in for either a real treat or a real trainwreck–especially given the R-rating. Happily, it was mostly the former, and the movie is a glorious mishmash of action, romance, murder mystery, and horror. It also boasts gorgeous production value; the women wear huge, sweeping dresses, the men fine suits and complicated wigs, and the houses look weirdly cozy when the Headsman isn’t battering down the door.

Sleepy Hollow captures the strange duality of Halloween perfectly.

To wit: the movie opens on a harrowing escape in a bouncing, rattling carriage racing through a night-dark cornfield. A thunder of hooves, the hiss of a blade and a beheaded driver later, and the carriage’s occupant is beheaded himself, his blood spraying over the jack-o-lantern topped scarecrow behind him. The contrast is dialed up and the colors dialed down, and the palette calls to mind ukiyo-e prints of blotted ink and charcoal on rice paper.

BOOOO!!! All right this is a little more blue than I'd like but you know what I mean
All right this is a little more blue than I’d like but you know what I mean

In stark contrast to that is the moment when Ichabod meets Katrina Van Tassel at the harvest festival. Great, bulging cornucopias barf the season’s bounty across the tables, fiddlers are dropping fire, and young people are allowed to *gasp* TOUCH EACH OTHER during their blindfold game. The lighting is all warm candle and firelight, there’s frothing ale mugs, and steaming bread.

Not Pictured: Personal Space
Not Pictured: Personal Space

The rest of the movie swings between extremes: sometimes plodding, and sometimes blowing your face off with its blend of practical and CG effects – Burton had great restraint with CG and to my mind there’s only one scene that doesn’t really work with it… the witch scene with the eyeballs has always been a little too cartoony. Great stunts — including some masterful swordwork and horsemanship by Ray Park, best known for playing the face and body of Darth Maul or Toad from X-men– and acting by Christopher Walken turned the Headless Horseman into a wonderfully charismatic villain.

And Christopher Walken! Who doesn't love Christopher Walken in an insane nonspeaking role?
And Christopher Walken! Who doesn’t love Christopher Walken in an insane nonspeaking role?

A pre-Pirates Johnny Depp is decent as condescending Enlighment Champion Ichabod Crane, and Christina Ricci is… well her performance has always been a little overly stiff to me. I’ve never figured out what she was going for. Michael Gambon, Miranda Richardson, Michael Gough, the aforementioned legendary Christopher Lee, and Ian McDarmid (The Emperor!) round out an amazingly talented and amazingly British cast as the rest of the townspeople.

Sleepy Hollow is Tim Burton at his best and probably his happiest… weird and gothy, with moments of dark humor, peculiar characters and fantastic imagery. It’s a great film to get yourself riled up for Halloween if you haven’t seen it, or haven’t seen it already this season. Be aware though – it’s incredibly gory and violent, and not for the faint of heart!

That’s it for today’s entry! Check back later this week for more entries in Halloween and the Kitchen Sink Week – here’s a hint of an upcoming post:

“Wolfman’s got nards!” 

Have a great day!