real life stuff – Page 3 – Late to the Theater

A Few Words On Two Very Different Sausage Parties

Last Friday, work had a sausage party.

It was awesome.

sausagesandbeer — Get some! If that’s your thing!

Basically my office of about 120 people did a giant potluck. We brought sausages, beer, potato salad, sausages, beer, chips, sausages, beer, salad, sausages, beer, condiments, sausages, and beer. At 3:30, we all knocked off to go hang out. Some people set up grills outside, we all chatted and drank, and it was pretty awesome. Most of my coworkers are people I hang out with outside of work, so it’s nice to be able to do that.

However, for about a week, I have been battling an entirely different kind of sausage party.

Allow me to explain. Some of you will read the first half of the next sentence and go ‘Ah-HA’ because you have experienced this yourself. It was sort of my first time.

I decided to try joining a dating website last week…

… it wasn’t awesome.

I went on a geek-oriented one and created a profile. I was feeling pretty okay for the first 23 hours and 58 minutes, and thought ‘Ah, no hits. Well that’s all right maybe it just takes a while.” At 24 hours, I got a notification that my profile was live.

Which was when the messages started.

I spend most of my time alone, not talking to people, and suddenly people were approaching me most aggressively. I can handle catcalling, and have even faced off with inappropriate touchers at the gym, but this was too much. I had a panic attack and closed the account.

The next day I was telling a friend about my experience, and he basically laughed at me and dared me to try again. So I thought – I can handle this! I have run through fire! I have survived suicidal depression! I’ve walked away from five car accidents, and many other defiances of death. I have faced down angry drunks and fallen out of trees. I can totally do this!

I found a different site (not disclosing names just because other people might try them and actually have luck!) and tried again.

NOPE.

My inbox became infested with dudes. Dudes demanding attention, demanding emotional validation, demanding responses. Being a polite kind of person, I tried to respond to as many as I could, even to say ‘We have nothing in common, but thank you!’ which was apparently seen as an invitation to ramble at length about how I should give someone a chance.

I lasted about 5 days before executing a scorched Earth policy and deleting my account. Waking up today to not find dozens of messages in my inbox was bliss. Especially not dozens of messages from people whose usernames included the suffix ‘-backdoorman’. I am relieved to say that I received no dick pics, had a few interesting conversations, and made a very few new friends, but otherwise am done. Several friends I have reported the same findings, of either no attention or way, waaaay too much. Nay, the dumpster fire of the great Social Media Dating Experiment of 2016 is done. I consider it a valuable learning experience!

So now that that distraction is over, I intend to be more disciplined about writing and posting. Also, with Horror Movie Month coming up, I have to start thinking about what I’m going to watch! Plenty of stuff is on Instant Watch, and the Enzian’s got some great selections this year that I’m really looking forward to.

Thanks for sticking around! I really appreciate my readers – without you, I’m just a madwoman chattering to herself in the corner, after all!

EDIT: My friend linked to a very interesting story about a dude who created a female profile on OKCupid, just to see what it was like. His experience basically mirrored mine. Please only read if your faith in humanity is reasonably strong.

Have you ever tried an online dating website? How did it go?

My Most Recent Accident

I watched a movie. At some point during an intense scene, I reached for my wine glass. I grabbed it a bit too hard, and it basically popped in my hand.

Folks who know me or who have been reading this blog for a while know that I am somewhat accident-prone. Happily, these accidents tend to be minor and only mildly life-threatening, leaving me with increased safety awareness, entertaining stories, and cool scars. Also, for all the accidents I’ve had, I’ve never had to get stitches or a bone reset, so I’ve been very fortunate in that case as well.

Remember how in last week’s post I said I’d stay inside, away from the fireworks, so I’d be safe?

It didn’t turn out so well.

Read on for a fun story about a drunken accident, and some mildly upsetting photos of hand trauma.

If that’s not your thing, the tl;dr is I got a bad laceration Friday night and got my very first ambulance ride and seven stitches.

Continue reading “My Most Recent Accident”

A Desperately Needed Laugh

A friend of mine lifts heavy. He is also a brilliant artist, rapier wit, and all around awesome human being. He showed me a Craigslist ad he wrote for a truck tire he’s selling, and it provided me with a much-needed laugh.

When you play the game of tires, you flip, or you die.

Here’s a GIANT TIRE for all your tire flipping macho needs. If you can flip it, you’re significantly more macho than I am. I’ll use this smaller one and just suffer through the taunts and jeers of neighborhood schoolchildren – unlike you, He-man Thunderthighs.

If you can fit your lower torso into a vehicle to come to my house, you can easily throw this immovable object into your man-hauler. I will not help, as I thought of moving it across the yard earlier to retrieve my purse and ended up getting a hernia and my beard fell off.

For the low-low cost of $30 I’ll cower in fear and point at the tire in my backyard and you can drag it to your truck, or just farmer’s walk it back to your cave. For $35, I’ll wipe my tears off of it first.

Seriously, though. For $30, it’s a steal and you know it. I think it’s roughly 500lb, but I can’t be sure. I can arguably and unprovably deadlift 400 and that thing about made my eyes fall out. Bring a truck and help. If I have to help, I’ll need you to pay me a couple grand to cover blowing my intestines out my belly button.

Call or text show contact info If you call, I won’t pick up and will screen voicemails. I’m avoiding the local schoolkids jeering at me for about dying when I purchased this monster and dropped it and my broken dignity in the backyard. If you’re reading this, it’s still available – and I’m still soaking my ego in epsom salts. Help me. …in the picture, the tire has plastic on it to prevent small animals from mocking me further by setting up a home in it’s sturdy and immovable interior.

Here is a link to his website, for some of his AMAZING artwork! Enjoy!

SteveNedley.com.

I don’t think I’ll be doing a Game of Thoughts this week – I spend a lot of time scrolling through my Facebook feed and wondering what the hell people are thinking when they post insane shit about Pulse. I’d rather just post two episodes next Monday. Day by day, we get a little bit back to normal, whatever that normal was. I will quote Catlyn Stark though – “Laughter is poison to fear.”

Thank you for keeping Orlando in your thoughts. I hope this gave you a laugh, too!

Pay Day Eve!

So far this week, I have:

Put out a major fire at work. I have worked a couple 10-hour days. The situation was so urgent that I actually had to skip talking Game of Thrones at the water cooler Monday morning, so you know this was serious.
Written at least 6 hours on Barghest. It’s coming along! I’m done with an early draft, and I’m setting September as my finish date again. I did a lot more pre-planning on this one so it’s going easier than Virago did. I’m finishing up the ending while working on some revision notes, and am going to start the real revision process next week.
Made plans for the camping trip I’m taking this weekend. I haven’t been camping in like twenty years – I mean I’ve roughed it, but I haven’t done it on purpose, just made do when the power went out for more than a few days or visited a relative who didn’t have power. It’s exciting!
Helped a friend pack for an upcoming move. She’s a single Mom undergoing chemo and has three kids, and the move is taking place next week. I helped for three hours last night and am going back next week after my trip. Thankfully she’s hired movers for the heavy stuff, but she just needs help organizing and packing.
Researched capsule wardrobes. This is an exciting concept. You reduce your wardrobe to about 40 necessary items, and just rotate them. It takes a lot of the guesswork out of ‘what should I wear today?’ I’m a huge fan of simplifying things and streamlining processes, so this will be a fun experiment. Since I work in an office I’ll have to break some of the rules, but I don’t think the capsule wardrobe police will be breaking down my door any time soon.
Researched henna hair dyeing. I am tired of my mousy, ash-blondish natural color. I stopped dyeing my hair in late 2012 just to see what my natural hair color was like. I have a lot more gray than I would have thought, and that doesn’t bother me. It’s that my hair is just so boring.
Fretted over my lawn. A friend is trying to get my lawnmower working but he has had it for almost a month, and my landlord has been known to drive past my house and send me unfriendly texts when my lawn gets shaggy. I could borrow my neighbor’s mower, which I will probably do tonight just so I don’t have to worry about it anymore. But borrowing his mower demands that I mow his lawn too as a courtesy, and because he’s on the corner he has twice as much front lawn as I do.
Went to the gym Wednesday morning, which is not great since I’m supposed to be going three mornings a week, but at least I made it the one time. And I did great!
Found this, which is tiny but which made me laugh:

I hope your week is going well! And if you’re on the same pay schedule as me, hey– we’re almost there!

And check back on Monday for more Game of Thrones coverage – things are really speeding up now, only three episodes to go!

A Tiny Hiatus!

Hi folks!

Thank you for following my blog – I appreciate each and every one of you, from the folks who don’t say much to the ones who chat all the time. Blogging is so much fun and I’ve met some of the nicest, most intelligent and passionate folks through this medium. I’m so glad I’m part of this community, and I’m glad most of all that people think enough of my posts to follow my blog. Thank you so much for spending a few minutes listening to me!

I’m slowing down on the film reviews lately and it’s because I’ve been working on fiction a lot more. I still watch movies and TV, but I don’t always have something insightful or interesting to say and I’d rather say something useful or interesting than just say ‘I watched this’ for the sake of keeping active.

I’m continuing with my Game of Thoughts coverage, because those are WAY fun to write and live-watching the show with everyone is such a hoot. We’re all in this together, to the bitter, bitter end!

Other than Game of Thoughts, I’m going to take the next two weeks off from writing posts – I’ll still comment and read other people’s posts, but going to take a small break from blogging. I’m volunteering at MegaCon 2016, I joined a local speculative fiction critique group, I’m knitting a blanket for a baby shower, I’m writing, cooking, and working out more, and I have some major deadlines coming up for my job.

So please, forgive a bit of slacking on my part! I hope you stick around for the new content, and take care of yourself in the meantime.

See you in a few weeks!

tinypotato — Tiny Potato believes in my Tiny Hiatus